Monday, September 12, 2016

Happy Birthday, Dear Avatar

It's a special Birthday today, September 12, 2016. 

Let's all sing!

But it's not my birthday I'm talking about. 

Quite frankly I haven’t celebrated my birthday since Haley Joel Osment was cute. 
I’m wishing happy birthday to my Avatar.  You know, the profile picture I use on Twitter, Facebook, and this blog.
I was 54 years old when my profile picture was taken and I’m now 67. If my Avatar were a person, it would have already been masturbating for years now.

Although male pattern deterioration had already set in for me at age 54, I was still somewhat marketable. Nobody threw up when they saw me coming and attractive women meeting me for the first time could conceivably have thought “if a horrible catastrophe wiped out all of the men on earth, I could probably get drunk enough to consider mild petting with him.”

None of my facial features had as yet been placed on life support.

The picture was taken on a beautiful warm summer's  day which turned out to be one of my best hair days in a decade, in Disneyworld. Hard to imagine more optimal circumstances under which to muster a decent enough photo of myself to later press into service as my official internet emissary.  

For seven straight years.`

C’mon, don’t play so innocent, fellow Boomer! 

You can’t tell me you’re not rocking an online picture that's been around so long it might have been cropped from a selfie with Kaiser Wilhelm or one in which you’re wearing enough makeup for it to accompany your application to clown school.  


Next year, my Avatar will celebrate its Bar Mitzvah.  Mazel tov!  

And in another 13 years or so we may all be together to celebrate its wedding. 

You better believe if I’m still here, my Happy Birthday Avatar will be too!



Russell said...

And all this time I thought that photo was a colorized tin-type that Matthew Brady had taken.

The two photos that I use, the clown nose and the sly, smiling, handsome devil are both 5 to 6 years old, taken when I was 54 as well (something magical about that age).

Now that you're more mature, I'm sure you fantasize about Barbara Walter's navel instead of Ms. Eden's. Be sure and put on a drool bib first. We'd hate to see you stain your favorite ABBA t-shirt.

Perry Block said...

What's that you say? I didn't quite catch it; I was busy going down on Judi Dench. What a wonderful birthday; she gave me a new drool bib. Now there's a gift I can use, pretty much all the time at my age.