Monday, August 29, 2016

The (Questionable) Joys of Being an Introvert

It may come as no surprise to regular readers of this blog --- oh, hullo there, Fred and  Ernestine --- that I am an introvert.

Of course being an introvert can be good or bad. The good kind of introvert is the person about whom it is said "Charles is soft spoken but his thoughts run deep and he is always stimulating to be around." The bad kind of introvert is the one about whom it is said " OMG, I had no idea that tweedy little man in the corner was my husband!"

I'll leave it up to you, Fred and Ernestine, as to which kind of introvert I am.

Nonetheless, all you extroverts out there may be surprised to know that there are many joys to being an introvert that you have been too busy running around being overbearing, loud, and obnoxious to pay attention to.  

So pipe down and listen up!  Ooops, did I say that?  

The Joys of Being an Introvert

1) Doesn't cost much to entertain friends at home.

2) Never have arm strain from raising your hand to answer questions in class.

3) Get to enjoy passing of the seasons while working up courage to approach a woman in a single's bar.

4) Never have to defend conflict of interest charges when running for President of the United States.

5) Rapid heartbeat while talking in front of a group provides great practice for heart attack later in life.

6) Never fraught with indecision over which party to attend. 

7) Always fun to spoon at night with an actual spoon.

8) Just think how wonderful it will be to experience all the things you missed out on in this lifetime in the afterlife!

9) If someone  says "shut the fuck up" to you,  everyone will realize he's the asshole.

10) Hardly ever lonely when Wilson the soccer ball is around.

Here's hoping you're the good kind of introvert and not that other kind depicted above. But if you're not, well, why not give me a call? 

I won't answer, but isn't that what we both want anyway?



  1. I'm still trying to figure out if I'm Fred or Ernestine.
    I can't testify as to how deep your thoughts run, or if you're stimulating to be around, but any guy who gets his kicks by watching paint dry is all right in my book.

    Personally, I think you should quit worrying about #3 and get and inflatable named Mona. She would never try to drag you to parties and she won't run up the grocery bill. If she snags on a piece of furniture and starts blowing hot air you can always tell her to "Shut the fuck up!"

    1. Yes, Mona sounds a lot more exciting than Ernestine. By the way, you're Fred. Mona will no doubt scream "MORE! MORE!" when we're together and I'll put on another coat of paint and we'll have many MORE hours of fun!

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