Saturday, June 25, 2016

If Automobiles Had Been Invented Before The Wheel

"Excuse me, young lady, I'd like some help please." 

"Of course, sir!   I'm here at the Toyota front desk to help with whatever you need!"

"Why, you're Jan, the pitch person for Toyota!"

"Yes, I am, sir!  And it's my job to make your Toyota shopping experience as pleasant as pleasant can be!"

"Well, then could you send someone else over? You're such a boring advertising construct you make Ted Cruz seem interesting!"

"But I'm the pretty face of Toyota, sir!"

"Sure, but you have all the personality of a 1994 Camry that's still on the road.  Who green lighted your commercials anyway? The same guy who green lighted Alice in Wonderland?"

"Sir, please, I'm here for you with a great big smile!"

"Oh, boy.  Okay, Jan, what Toyota would you recommend for a sports enthusiast like me?

"The Toyota Highlander, sir!"

"What are the particulars?"

"It is a  4-door, 7-seat Sport Utility,  equipped with a standard 2.7L, 4-cylinder, engine automatic transmission and four all season radial boxes."

"Radial boxes, you say?"

"Of course."

"What brand of boxes?"

"Michelin.  Nothing but the best boxes  for the Highlander!" 

"Is there a warranty on the boxes?  How far are they warrantied to go before you a need an emergency appointment with a chiropractor?"

"Either one week or 9 and a half blocks, whichever comes first."

"Now that's impressive!  Does Toyota pay for the first three appointments?"

"Of course, sir, and the first three surgeries too."

"Wow! May I go for a trial "thumpety-thumpety?"


"What a super smooth ride, Jan! I wasn't nauseous at all except for when I turned on the ignition right up to this moment now.

"That's wonderful, sir!  

"I'll bet with these Michelin boxes you could start out one day in Philadelphia and drive as far as you could each day, and be in New York in only one lifetime!"

"Glad you like the car, sir.  Too bad I can't play up to you to induce you to buy it, but that's just how lamely my character is drawn."

"You know, Jan, I'll bet one day somebody is going to invent something other than boxes for cars to ride on and cars will then be able go much further.  Like to the mailbox."

"I hope so, sir."

"Maybe somebody could round the corners  of each box to create a shape somewhat like the number '0'."

"Oh, sir!  Don't you think if that could be done, someone would have done it long ago?"

"I guess you're right, Jan.  Know what else?"


"Finally you're starting to appeal to me!"




Unknown said...

Be careful with those boxes you might rattle another screw loose.

Perry Block said...

I think all 17 of them are rather loose already. Now stand by, I'm going to take a ride in my new Highlander and I'm gonna need a doctor!

Russell said...

Be prepared for hemorrhoids too, Perry.

Personally, I think I'll stick with my Flintstone-mobile. It gets great gas mileage, but is really hard on brakes. I wore out 3 pairs of flip-flops just going to the inconvenience store.

Perry Block said...

You think that's bad? I wore out three pairs of Fred's two feet. I couldn't wait to get back to my box-mobile!