Plus exotic ports of call!
Yeah, sure there are ...
Yeah, sure there are ...
I frequently receive that phone call with the recorded female voice telling me I
have just won a fantastic prize.
You’ve probably
received it also.
"Hello! I am happy to tell you that you have been selected
to receive an all-expenses paid two week cruise to the Caribbean!"
Here we go again! What's
the catch?
"There is no catch. You'll chart a course from New York City
aboard a luxury liner that makes the Queen Mary 2 look like the Wreck of the Hesperus.
Do they think I was
born yesterday? Not that I wouldn't prefer to have been born yesterday, I'd still have puberty to look forward to.
"We do not
think you were born yesterday. Aboard ship you'll enjoy four star dining,
three Olympic size swimming pools, a Robert Trent Jones Championship Golf
Course, and private Observatory with the ship's resident physicist Neil
deGrassse Tyson.
If I'd really won such
a prize like this, wouldn't an actual person be handling the call, not a
programmed voice? I'll bet there's an ocean of hidden charges!
"There is no ocean of hidden charges. But there are exotic
ports of call like the U.S. Virgin Islands, St. Kitts, St. Martins, Barbados,
and more, many featuring nude beaches, favorite playgrounds of
supermodels from around the world.
That's when I always
slam the phone down in disgust.
Gotta get myself on the No-Call List!
Gotta get myself on the No-Call List!
A couple of weeks ago
I ran into my friend Farbman at the bank. He looked tanned and rested.
"Farbman! You
look great!"
“I just got back from
an all-expenses paid Caribbean cruise!"
"Wait ... you
mean ... the all-expenses paid trip from the phone call?"
"Sure, got the
call last month. Fantastic food, great islands, met the Yankees. That
Neil deGrasse Tyson is such a card!"
"But ... but it
all sounds so bogus."
"It's made to sound
that way. It's paid for by a billionaire who loves trusting, positive,
non-judgmental people. If you listen to the message right up to the part about
supermodels, a live person comes on and signs you right up!"
"But that's the
point when I cut off!"
"Yeah, he doesn't
want any negative, doubting, impatient jerks ruining the trip."
“But, but, but ...”
"If you're lucky
enough to get the call, Perry, hang on for dear life! Oh, those topless
beaches are incredible!"
Since then I haven't
received the call. Though I pretty much don't leave the house waiting
for it.
Is there such a thing
as a "Please Call List?"
~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~
3 comments:
Unfortunately, Connie usually answers the phone at our house and always hangs up when they get to the topless and nude beaches part too. It's too bad. I bet her and Neil deGrasse Tyson would hit it off real well.
Farbman said he had a wonderful time hanging with her on the last cruise!
And she told me she was going to some boring sewing seminar in Nebraska. Imagine that.
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