Are you too old for Details?
I’m referring, of course, to that special rite of passage in the life of the male when he attains the age and maturity at which the giving to and receiving from male peers of explicit verbal descriptions of recent sexual encounters (formally known as Details) is officially outgrown.
But unlike, say, a Bar Mitzvah, the Rite of Passage of the Passing of Details does not arrive for all at the same time. For some it may come at age 23, for others at 33 or even 45, and for a few straggling others, it may arrive ... well ... even later still.
"Hi, Stan, this is Perry."
"Hey, Perry! How are you?"
"It isn't how I am that's the subject of the day, Stan. It's how you are!"
"What do you mean?"
"Well, didn't you have a first date last night with the woman you met at that adult education course Cooking with Leeks?"
"Oh yeah, Samantha. Sure did."
"Of course! Details, man, Details!"
"Perry, I’m 54 years old, and you're 64. We outgrew Details in the last century."
"Well, Stan, I can't exactly say I outgrew Details. It's more like I lost touch with them."
"Lost touch with them?"
"Yeah, I lost touch with receiving them. And sure as hell lost touch with giving ‘em!"
"Aren't you ashamed, Perry, a grown man to be asking for Details?"
"I dunno. I'll let you know after you float me a few."
"Forget it, Perry! My kids are too old for Details!"
"And what you implying? That mine are not?!!"
"Perry, how would you like it if I asked you to give me Details about your last date?"
"Not so much, seeing that the closest I've come to a date lately was a tryst with OlderWomenWhoArentHalfBad.com. Even I'd be disgusted to hear the Details."
"All, right, Perry, all right! I met Samantha for coffee, we discussed movies, world affairs, and our common love of leeks and agreed to get together for dinner on Thursday. Happy now?"
"Thank you, Stan, I am."
"Good. We can put this stupid Details business behind us?"
"Of course. Just one thing."
"How early may I call you Friday morning for Details?!!"