Thursday, March 19, 2015

On the Trail of the Blobbit (FF)

As they arrived in the clearing, Hayes and Biggins were certain they had at long last found what they sought.

"We've done it, Biggins!" said Hayes. "We've finally succeeded in tracking the Blobbit's lair by following his nightly call."

"And to think," replied Biggins, "neither you nor I has ever actually seen a Blobbit." 

"I'm going to inspect his dwelling place," ventured Hayes, as he cautiously approached the dwelling's entrance and entered.

"No, no, Hayes!"  cried Biggins.   

It was too late.  The entrance closed around Hayes, fully enveloping him.

"Blobbit!  Blobbit!  Blobbit!"

"Darn it," said Biggins, "another second and I'd have recognized the Blobbit's eyes and mouth!  But I'll bet you Friday Fictioneers saw this contrived ending coming a mile away."


Yeah, this is kind of your standard issue "wild creature or alien unexpectedly turns out to eat people" story.  I think it's registered as Lame Storyline No. 37A in the annals of "Friday Fictioneer Desperation," last published Feb, 2013.

But what do you want from me?  I haven't had my laptop in a week. I'm lucky I still remember how to type!  At least you have about 100 other stories to chose from, none of them hopefully mentioning the Blobbit or any fascimile thereof, by clicking here.

"Blobbit!  Blobbit!  Blobbit!"  I gotta say that Hayes was tasty!


Dawn said...

Ya made me laugh with this "lame storyline".
Must be the delivery ;)

Priceless Joy said...

Bye Bye Hayes! Cute story. :)

Perry Block said...


Perry Block said...

Yes, all my stories about people being eaten are cute. It's my hallmark!

Anonymous said...

Blobbits are so good at hiding!!!!
Just me, Anonnymous Alicia

Perry Block said...

But they have lousy table manners! Thanks, Alicia.

i b arora said...

hard luck for Hayes, boy nice post for us

Perry Block said...

Glad to see you all like to see people eaten with the requisite blood and gore.That means I'll be even more grisly next week. Thanks!

Sandra Crook said...

It's the way you tell 'em. :) Nice one.

Douglas MacIlroy said...

Dear Blobbit,

I love your shameless use of lame story lines. I never saw this one coming.



Unknown said...

A real knowing piece. But I missed it. Still a lot to learn, I guess.

Russell Gayer said...

Any kin to Lorena Bobbitt? Tell me more about this nightly call. Does that mean he gets up three times a night to go pee?

brudberg said...

I can almost hear the Blobbit burp.. I wonder if he's still hungry.

Perry Block said...

Thanks, Sandra. Yes, I can tell of the Blobbit like none other.

Perry Block said...

Thank you, Doug! I can ride a weak, lame, shameless story line like none other. Even the guy who was eaten was annoyed. But glad you liked.

Subroto said...

The story packs a munch

margirene said...

Funny. I'd like to read more Blobbit stories.

liz young said...

I thought a Blobbit sounded rather like a frog, but then I do have a twisted imagination. Like you.

Perry Block said...

Yes, it's a real knowing piece. We'll get together one day over a brew and I'll explain it to you.

Perry Block said...

Who is Lorena Bobbit? Is she some backwoods chick that you used to .....? The nightly call is "Blobbit, Blobbit, Blobbit" when he's eating and maybe peeing also.l Actually I make that sound when I'm peeing as well.

Perry Block said...

Let's take a walk in the woods and find out.

Perry Block said...

I love that! I'm going to add that line and increase the creativity 100%!

Perry Block said...

Unless I have him assuming a new life as a super spy, don't hold your breath.

Perry Block said...

I think you may be a little more twisted.

Anonymous said...

Dear Perry, You are so clever Blobbit. Great writing as usual, Nan

Perry Block said...

Thanks, Nan. Just for that I will forestall the Blobbit from eating you!


I failed.

Russell said...

No, no, I would never do her. She's the gal who chopped off her husband's pecker.

Not to brag, but I had an all-nighter last night--meaning I went all night without getting up to pee. Okay, so I am bragging, but an event like this doesn't happen very often.

P.S. Joshi said...

Perry, you're done it again. This was hilarious. Anyone dumb enough to walk right into the Blobbit's lair probably deserves to be eaten. Is Biggins going to go in after him. Please say, "No." Do you really number your jokes? Well done. :D --- Suzanne

Perry Block said...

Thanks, Suzanne. Yes, I do number my jokes cumulatively from the first one in my career. I am up to 7; I promise 11 will be great! Biggins is here with me now, but we're both thinking about going in.

Anonymous said...

Was it Peter Blobbitt.
Did he have a cotton tail?
Is this some F*** ed up Easter story?

(And I can't believe you don't know who Lorena Bobbitt is?)

janet said...

:-) Ahh, Perry, good to know some things never change.


Perry Block said...

Well, I remember the story but I didn't know the names. I think she just wanted to give him a bris and her hand shook a bit. So he's not Jewish, big deal!

Perry Block said...

Yes, it's true. Critics have hailed me as "the Master of Contrived Endings." In my next story I'm having a guy suddenly realize he loves a girl who's on a plane for Europe and he'll run after her and stop the plane and they'll both profess their love and kiss. I am good!

Dawn Q. said...

You and JRR Tolkien... all those Hobbits and Blobbits, get me every time! ;-)

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