Friday, February 13, 2015

I'll Never Be Hungry Again! (FF)

Copyright - Rochelle Wisoff Fields

Fade out, music plays, first part of movie is over.


Fade In, music plays.

"Oh Rhett, how thoughtul .... Olive Garden!"

"Eat as many bread sticks as you like, Scarlett." 

"As God is my witness, I swear I'll never be hungry again! But what about the bill, Rhett?"


Frankly, my friends, one would wonder whether Scarlett might have preferred to starve under this scenario.  However, at least I've cut to the chase and brought our protagonists together far more quickly then ever before and saved you an hour and a half of the more boring parts of this movie in the doing.

And yes, as my Valentines's Day Friday Fictioneers present to you, I have brought you Rhett and Scarlett and soggy breadsticks, which you'll find strikingly similar to your actual Valentine's Day except without Rhett and Scarlett. You can check out the Valentine's Day presents from the other Fictioneers by clicking here. 

You'll never be hungry for flash fiction again.

(Note: I just changed the name of this piece because everyone was focusing on bread sticks, not Gone with the Wind. This is a GWTW spoof with an ancillary joke about Olive Garden food.  I hope this is more clear.) 


Russell Gayer said...

I would have expected you to feed her Matzoh Ball soup, Rhett. It's just like you, trying to act like a big spender, then taking her to an all-you-can-eat soup and salad joint.

I guess you really are treating her like family. :)

Sandra Conner said...

Hey, great job. It reminds me of the author (whose name I have temporarily forgotten) who said that every time he writes a novel he tries to leave out the parts that people skip over. You've done that very nicely.

Anonymous said...

Nothing says Happy Valentine's Day like carb overload. I'm curious as to how this would play out later in the dark. I'd need a long carb induced nap (coma). And I'm still anonymous. Tracey

Anonymous said...

Dear Perry, Funny story - you and Russell are so funny each week! Love it, Nan :)

Patrick Prinsloo said...

Bread sticks? She'd crucify me!

P.S. Joshi said...

Perry, I'm beginning to see why you keep looking for the perfect woman. She'll be the one who accepts bread sticks as a great Valentine's Day meal. My advice is to find one who's a good cook--and loves to cook. Then neither of you will have to live on breadsticks. Well done. :) --- Suzanne

Perry Block said...

Well you know how it is: Christ, it ain't easy, you know how hard it can be, the way things are going ....

Perry Block said...

Yes, I'm treating her like family, just like the mutant kid in Deliverance. Actually not as well. And as for Matzoh Ball Soup, no soup for Scarlett! We know what a bitch she can be! You and I were on the same wave length this week, Russell, except I presented the entire movie, edited just a wee bit.

Perry Block said...

That's like no author I know. Most of them throw in parts that go on forever that nobody wants to read. Only I edit things down to their essentials. BTW, did the scene in the Olive Garden run too long?

Perry Block said...

Sorry about the anonymous bit. Suffice it to say that I don't thing this is going to turn out to be the night where he carries her up the staircase and says "you throw me out while you chase Ashley Wilkes" or something like that.

Perry Block said...

Russell writes all my material. If anything sucks, it was him.

Perry Block said...

But will she say "fiddle dee-dee"even without the breadsticks?

Björn Rudberg said...

Bread sticks.. there is nothing that beats bread-sticks to show the way to a woman's heart.. hmm hmm... I wonder if that's what i'll bring for Valentine's dinner

Anonymous said...

You should see about having this made into an advertisement. I see real possibilities there. ;-) Too funny!

lizy-expat-writer said...

I trust soggy breadsticks aren't a euphemism for your own Valentine expectations ;)

Perry Block said...

They are.

Perry Block said...

I do it! Umm, what am I advertising?!

Perry Block said...

Yes, I think you should by all means.

Sandra Crook said...

:) I loathe breadsticks. Rhett's not my kind of man, I'm afraid.

Perry Block said...

Yes, but he also paid for the full Olive Garden meal. How about that?!

Dawn said...

I wouldn't mind some bread sticks, dipped in spaghetti sauce. Hmmm..wish Rhett would deliver...too cold to go out.

Anonymous said...

It sounds like Part 2 of this story sees Rhett and Scarlett washing dishes in the back to pay for the meal. :)

Russell Gayer said...

Yes, I expected a comment regarding that sign in your bedroom.

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