Tuesday, August 12, 2014

Mrs. Doubtful

And now, my humble tribute to Robin Williams via a brief presentation based on one of his best films ever ...
Mrs. Doubtful
starring Perry Block

There is a knock at the door of the home of Mrs. Fiona Hotley.

"Yes, who is it?"

"Hello, I'm Mrs. Doubtful.  I've come about the Nanny position."

"Welcome, Mrs. Doubtful!  I ... Gee, you wear a lot of makeup.

"Oh, yes, Flo from the Progressive Commercials does all my makeup."

"How did you find out about the job?"

"I looked in Craigs List under 'Positions Wanted Where It's Unlikely Someone Will Kill You.'  I saw your ad and it sure didn't hurt that you included a picture, Mrs. Hotley!"

"Do you have any references,  Mrs. Doubtful?"

"Oh, yes, I do.  Unfortunately the last couple I worked for has moved."

"Where did they move to ?"

"Borneo. Deep in the Jungle. To become pig farmers."

"Well, I'm sure they could fax the references."

"Oh, no, no!  No faxing.  Mail goes by yak."

"Well, I do need a nanny right away.   You're hired, Mrs. Doubtful!"  

"Good!  Now could you show me to your bedroom?  I ... mean my bedroom!"

Later that night, Mrs. Doubtful is on the cell phone in her room.

"I can't believe it, Perry.  You go to all the trouble to disguise yourself as a nanny just to meet a hot divorcee with two children?"

"Yeah,  Paul.  You try being a kinda bald 63 year old with highly limited prospects who last had sex during the Bush Administration (and I mean the first one).  Let's see if you'd be reduced to wearing a dress."

"If I were that badly off,  I'd be wearing an evening gown!"

The next morning as Mrs. Doubtful enters Mrs. Hotley's bedroom ... 

"Good morning,  Mrs.  Hotley!  Thought I'd bring you breakfast in bed."

"That's very nice,  Mrs. Doubtful, but may I ask a question?


"Isn't it customary when one person brings another person breakfast in bed for there to be only one person in the bed?"

"Oh, sorry, just thought I'd warm your bed covers."

"Thank you, but that's not necessary, Mrs. Doubtful. Could see that the children get off to school okay?

A moment later in the kitchen.

"Here you go, Kimmie, here's your lunch - Peanut Butter and Tuna"

"Shouldn't that be peanut butter and jelly?"

"You know,  you're right, Kimmie!  Now, get outta here, enjoy third  grade."

"I'm in college, Mrs. Doubtful."

"And you, Billy, here's your lunch --- a lettuce sandwich."

"Shouldn't there be meat or something else in here, Mrs. Doubtful?" 

"Now don't be a spoiled brat, Billy!  Hope I didn't put too much lettuce in."

Mrs. Hotley enters the kitchen.

"Mrs. Doubtful, I need you."

(aside) "Ha-ha, that didn't take long!"

"Yes-s-s-s, Mrs. Hotley!  Did you say you ... ahem ... need me?"

"Yes, Mrs. Doubtful.  I need you to do the laundry, vacuum the entire house,  clean all the bathrooms, and build an extension and deck on the back."

"OMG!  Anything else,  Mrs. Hotley?"

"Yes,  Mrs. Doubtful.  Do you ... do you ...by any chance do massage?"

"Now, we're talking!  Do I do massage?  These  hands are certified and licensed by the American Massage Association!"

"Sounds good to me.  Please go ahead, Mrs. Doubtful."

"What kind of massage would you like,  Mrs. Hotley?  May I recommend our special for the day, which we call our Happy Ending?"

"Happy Ending?!!  Why you're not a woman at all!  You're a man!"

"Yes, but I have very many feminine traits."

"Get out,  Mrs. Doubtful!   Get out!!! Oh, and one thing more."

"Yes, Mrs. Hotley?"

"See if Flo is interested in the job."


Well, that's  Mrs. Doubtful, folks!  It isn't exactly Robin Williams, but then what ever will be Robin Williams again? Thanks for everything, Robin!   And....



N/A said...

I loved that :) At first I felt a little guilty laughing, since he just passed away... but then I realized that's stupid. We should all laugh and enjoy life. The whole point.

You write wonderfully, Perry. And I think you spend a lot of time watching tv, as your description of Flo was spot on.

Perry Block said...

Yes, I felt guilty too, Jean, but then I realized that' was missing the whole point. I was inspired to do this, and that was better than one more reverential piece about how great he was, which others can write much better than I can.

Thanks for your nice comments and I hope things are going well for you!

Russell said...

I'm pretty sure Robin would approve. I'd love to chat longer, but I have to slip into my evening gown and get over to Mrs. Hotley's and apply for that nanny position.

Perry Block said...

Let me give you a piece of advice, Russell. Don't go for the Happy Ending right away!

Anonymous said...

glad i got to read this :) thanks for the chuckle, Mrs. Doubtful... (and the disturbing image of you in a dress)

Perry Block said...

Disturbing? How about Delightful!

Thanks, Kz. And thanks to the great Robin Williams for the inspiration.