Wednesday, August 6, 2014

Location, Location, Location


Copyright Bjorn Rudberg

"Hey, Jane!" said Perry. "Just closed on my new house!" 

"That's great, Perry!" said Jane. "Can't wait to see it!"

"You'll really be impressed with me when you do,"  smirked Perry, ever so modestly.  "It's beautiful, in a great location,  and I got a terrific deal!"

"Well," cooed Jane. "How about you take little ol' me to see it right now?"

"Thought you'd never ask. Y' know, I haven't seen it myself since a week or two."

"Didn't you have a walk-through right before settlement?"

"Nah, Janie,  no need for that."

"Really?"

"Yeah, trust me on this!  That's about as unnecessary and worthless as that stupid insurance they tried to sell me!"

~~~~~~~~~~~

Talk about a great location! 

Five bedrooms, three and a half baths, sumptuous living room, dining room, and kitchen, and only eight of the rooms are presently located under ground in a subterranean well.  

I hope the other members of the Friday Fictioneers are making out a bit better this week.  I wonder which one of them Jane is dating these days ....

50 comments:

Björn Rudberg said...

Sometimes I have this sinking feeling that it was not the best of deals...

Rochelle Wisoff-Fields said...

Dear Perry,

Perhaps a little more foresight and a little less foreplay. N'es pas?

Shalom,

Rochelle

Perry Block said...

It was the best of deals, it was the worst of deals .... yup, the worst of deals! Thanks for your great picture.

Perry Block said...

I think this is most likely a bit before the foreplay. Meurde!

Silver in the Barn said...

Twenty-five years of selling real estate makes me believe that one way or the other, the Realtor is going to get blamed! Fun story, Perry.

Sandra Crook said...

Settlement is the right word for what's taken place. :)

Perry Block said...

I hope so. And I hope he isn't dating Jane now! Thanks for your nice comment.

Perry Block said...

Yep, I got more of a settlement than I bargained for! Thanks, Sandra.

Elizabeth said...

I'd get the insurance before buying it!

Hamish Gunn said...

I won't even tell you how very very close that is to me...actually was!

Russell said...

Perry,
I have a two-story outhouse you might be interested in. It has a nice view from the upstairs balcony, and the lower level is just like new--only used once. What do you say, Buddy. A deal like this doesn't come around often. It's sure to impress Jane.

Perry Block said...

You're right, Elizabeth. That character in my story is just too damn naive!

Perry Block said...

Oh, please tell me, Hamish!

Perry Block said...

I already lost Jane. I heard she was headed for the Ozarks for a much funnier and much sexier humor writer!

I already have a lovely outhouse. I call it my house.

thewritersvillage said...

Be careful. Next, some Fictioneer will try to sell you a bridge.
Well, ha. I already bought two on sale. BOGO.

I'll swap you a bridge for the house.
At least with my bridge, I can get to your house.
And besides, I like underground grottoes..

I always say (unlike Rochelle): More foreplay, less foresight..
Foresight is overrated as far I can see (yes, that was intended although I didn’t see it coming).
Onwards and downwards.

Randy

pixilatedtoo said...

We were on a similar track on this one, Perry. ;)
~ Lynda

P.S. Joshi said...

Perry, The first comment sunk or something, so here's another one. I just hope the water doesn't also pour from above like a house we bought one time. Don't ever buy a house when the roof is part pitched and part flat. We had insurance, but they dropped us after that. Funny as always. :D ---Susan

Patricia said...

Geeze Perry, has Jane got no backbone ? I am sure she could have adapted to living in a dump..I mean a fixer upper..and you thought she loved you..double merde

Alicia said...

OOPS! Poor Perry. Maybe he'll learn a lesson from this? Although it will be hard won.

lizy-expat-writer said...

You have to be born with strong legs to farm that kind of land.

Perry Block said...

Thanks, Randy, great comment! I should put as much creativity in my posts as you do in your comments. Somebody will try to sell me a bridge? I already got one from my pal Governor Christie. I'm dying to close it down again! And, yes, there should have been a bit more foreplay than there was, which was frankly zero. There was nothing for you to see coming, I'm afraid. Thanks again!

Perry Block said...

Yes, Lynda, looks like both of us are pixilated when it comes to real estate, though me a good bit more than you! Thanks for writing.

Perry Block said...

I have a sinking feeling about your first comment too, Susan. I will take your advice to heart about the pitched and flat roof after I learn about not buying a house without a roof. Thanks for writing, Susan!

Perry Block said...

Well, I thought I could con her into loving with my vast knowledge of real estate, palatial home, and debonair charm. Well, my vast knowledge of real estate and palatial home anyway. Looks like I'm 0 for 3!

Perry Block said...

I dunno, Alicia. It takes him a while to learn lessons. He's still trying to figure out how to keep his lunch from being stolen in seventh grade.

Perry Block said...

My legs aren't even strong enough to support me while I call a guy to hire him to farm that kind of land!

abodeofhorus said...

I have an extra boat.. will you like to buy it.. from the location of your new house, its very clear that you might need it soon! :D

... and you might use it to go to Ozarks !

mariegailstratford said...

Those realtors are sneaky little buggers who have been taking the Friday Fictioneers for quite a ride this week. Hope you learned your lesson, Perry.

Cheers!
Marie Gail

Patrick Prinsloo said...

Someone made a couple of poor decisions by the look of it. Oh dear.

nanclairefalkner said...

Dear Perry, Location times three is the only thing that really counts - everything else can be remedied! Love your story - and who needs insurance? Love your story, funny and hope he gets wise before it falls down the ravine! Great job! Nan :)

amyreesewrites.com said...

Oh, poor Jane. Run Jane, run! Something tells me they're going to have plumbing problems. All sorts.

Perry Block said...

You're feeling story for Jane who dumped me! Now I know who my friends are, Amy.

Perry Block said...

Thanks, Nan. Sure, who needs insurance when you have a location a mile and a half below sea level? So you need Jacques Cousteau to get you in and out of your house, all the more picturesque!

Perry Block said...

Yes, it was me, Patrick. And don't call me "dear!"

Perry Block said...

I might use it to get to my bathroom! Thanks for your comment.

Perry Block said...

I'm slow to learn lessons, Marie, but from now on I will never buy the Little Tykes Play House without a full inspection.

wmqcolby said...

I took a count ... the story won by a landslide. Just don't settle for second best.

Perry Block said...

I'm glad the story won by the same landslide that buried me and my house!

lizy-expat-writer said...

Oh come on! You don't look that old!

Subroto said...

Insurance? Just got an email from an agent in Nigeria who may get you a great deal. Fun story as always. Is it really fictional?

Dawn Q. said...

I think this poor house has gotten a bum rap! It's a real gem! But, maybe insurance is pointless. ;-)

Perry Block said...

The being dumped by women part, no. The rest of it, yes. That's funny about your agent in Nigeria, I got a guy who's about to send me 15 million dollars who's from Nigeria too!

Perry Block said...

If you like a sunken tub, along with the rest of the house, this is the place for you!

Dawn said...

Obviously this Jane chick was materialistic. You're better off without her!

Anonymous said...

That was cute. That Perry, what a sucker! Love the concept. well done, Lucy

Perry Block said...

You're right! Sitting home alone in my sunken house with no money is much more fun than cavorting with Jane. I feel so much better!

Perry Block said...

Thank you, Lucy. Yes, sucking is my best quality!

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