Wednesday, March 19, 2014

L'Ascenseur de Paris


Albee had been living in Paris that summer, working for L'Etoile and staying in a rather shabby pensionne.  It was seven flights up and down every day but Albee loved Paris so he hardly minded.

"What is that, Madame Le Fouquet?" he had asked when he moved in, pointing to the metal cage suspended by wires between floors.

"Oh, cette chose, Monsieur?" answered his new landlady. "It hardly works, a little bit de temps en temps.  Forget it."

And so Albee forgot it until one very hot day just before his internship was about to expire, Albee returned to the pensionne exhausted. Unable to face the stairs, he climbed into the cage and began pushing buttons.

"Madame Le Fouquet, what is this?!!"  he cried out. "The walls are closing in on this elevator!"

"Ce n'es pas un ascenseur, Monsieur Albee! shouted the landlady. "It is a giant electronique cheese grater! Don't forget, c'etait France!"

~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~

I thought maybe going a little cosmopolitan  might help boost my  Friday Fictioneers readership this week, especially after bombing royally in last week's effort to make a link to a Beatles' song the capper to my post. 

That's why this week, folks, we're all wearing turtlenecks and sipping wine in a cafe in response to the picture prompt,  courtesy of Nouveau Old Formerly Cute. What's not to love here?  Where will the elevator or stairway above take you when it comes to the other Friday Fictioneers? Cliquez ici pour en savoir.  

Now, pardon me,  I have to get Albee out of the cheese grater before he winds up atop a Ritz Cracker. 

37 comments:

Rochelle Wisoff-Fields said...

Dear Paris...I mean Perry,

I'll have a large bottle of wine with that cheese. She did say it worked sometimes. She didn't say how or in what direction, did she? Good one.

JudahFirst said...

Love it. Great job, Perry. And thanks for taking me back 30 years to my high school french class! My best line will always be Je ne sais pas!

P.S. Joshi said...

Funny one, Perry. I think everyone will get this one. Well done. Don't feel bad about last week's effort. It provided a great music clip. :)

sarah smith said...

haha! poor chap!

Siobhan said...

Oh poor Albee. I hope there was an 'off' button. I lived in France for a few years and this brought me right back with a smile :)

abodeofhorus said...

Grated and not Greeted ! Albee's fortune surely took an unfortunate turn ! :)

janet said...

Nothing like a good laugh as I read stories and make granola. Too early to get out the wine (although I can already hear you saying it's never too early) but I will be studying a bit of French later. I think your story's grate and not at all cheesy!

janet

Perry Block said...

It works inwards rather than up or down, much to the chagrin of our hapless hero, who for once is happily not me! Thank you,Rochelle.

Perry Block said...

Always happy to take anyone back, I'm not so good at taking anyone forward. Most of the French I remember is unprintable, I'm afraid.

Perry Block said...

Yes, it provided a great musical clip and no laughs! That is not the way to get to Carnegie Hall. But thanks.

Perry Block said...

Yes, but his loss is another man's cheese dip.

Perry Block said...

Yes, and I was happy to parody the French without a single reference to rudeness to tourists. Although I guess chopping an American into little pieces could be interpreted as a bit rude.

Perry Block said...

You're right. Thereafter Albee was frequently referred to as "The Grated One." Say it fast and it sounds better than it is.

Perry Block said...

You know I intended this story to be read along with granola.You understand me perfectly, Janet!

theeclecticeccentricshopaholic said...

hahaha! a giant grater! perfect for a horror story. you're a genius. thanks for laugh. :) :)

Perry Block said...

I'm trying to match ya for goriness, kz, but I've a long way to go! Thanks for commenting.

amyreesewrites.com said...

Ha ha!! Of course, that's what this is. A giant cheese grater. I will never see the picture same way now! And now, I will have some wine and cheese, oh, and some bread. We can't forget that!

wmqcolby said...

Hahahaha! Nothing cheesy about the story. Fun stuff.

Perry Block said...

I only promised cake. Sorry, but thanks for stopping by, Amy!

Perry Block said...

Only thing cheesy is the new American cheese spread thanks to the giant grater. Hope he's ... I mean ... it's good!

nanclairefalkner said...

Perry - you are so clever! Ha ha ha - a giant cheese grater! So funny! Good story and well written - good laugh! Thanks, Nan :)

helenahannbasquiat said...

Dangerously cheesy, as those old Cheetos commercials used to say.

Björn said...

Alas it might have worked this time.. a painful end to an internship...

lizy-expat-writer said...

That was a shock - well played!

lingeringvisions said...

OMG Perry, that was cheesy!

Adam Ickes said...

I love cheese, but I want none of that cheese.

greenwalledtower said...

Perry, you always make me laugh, although seven flights of stairs is no joke, especially in the summer. I live up four flights and that's enough.

Perry Block said...

Thank you, glad you liked. And don't forget the new brand of American cheese from the story too!

Perry Block said...

Anything at all is dangerously in your hands, my darling!

Perry Block said...

Thank you. Albee should have played it as well!

Perry Block said...

Yes, I always try for cheesy in all my stories.

Perry Block said...

C'mon, just take a great big bite! Wait, don't take that wrong ...

Perry Block said...

And to think it was unpaid as well!

Perry Block said...

Perhaps you could get a giant cheese grater for your building and you might be able to feature it in a macabre story or two. I hateto see what kz would do with it!

Russell said...

I assume you painted on a pencil-thin moustache and wore a beret while writing this. Trying to appeal to the French chicks, aren't you?

Atreyee said...

Never say cheese,lol!Poor intern-wonder who is going to help himself/herself to him(as serving/topping?) :D

pattisjarrett said...

A cheese grater! It's scary inside your head, isn't it? ;)