Wednesday, March 26, 2014

The Wood Sprite


Every afternoon almost without fail, Samantha would run into the forest to meet Clarence the wood sprite and the two would play for hours until Samantha had to go home for dinner.

Samantha would try to talk to her parents about Clarence but they didn't believe in wood sprites, and so Samantha gradually stopped talking to them about him.

One afternoon Samantha ran into the forest and found Clarence crying.

"Why do you cry, Clarence," said Samantha

"I must go away, my precious Samantha," cried the wood sprite.

"But why?" asked Samantha.

"Because you have grown older," replied Clarence, "and soon you will no longer believe in me."

With that Samantha fed Clarence into the wood chipper.

"You moron!" she snarled. "I'm  37 years old!  I'm so gullible I could have played with you forever!"

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There's nothing like a charming fairy tale to bring a special feeling to your heart, but it's likely this fairy tale will bring a special feeling to your stomach much more readily than your heart. 

This is my weekly Friday Fictioneers offering based on the prompt that Rochelle Wisoff Fields is now offering so early in the week that anymore we're likely to get the prompt before the Friday before the Friday for which the prompt is for!  Anyway just say "I believe in the Friday Fictioneers," click on them here, and you will have each and every one of their weekly stories, no matter what the grown-ups believe.

BTW, just to close the loop, Samantha is doing hard time now for wood chipping Clarence. In my fairy tales, there is always justice!

52 comments:

  1. Well that was abrupt! Silly Sprite! Love the story.

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    1. Yeah, Clarence is an idiot all right. Glad they caught up with Samantha though. Thanks!

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  2. I believe, Perry, I believe! I must be related to Samantha since I'm so gullible and immature.

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  3. Oh, Samantha, someone should have taught you, never shred your imaginary lover!!!

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    1. Boy, calling him her lover adds another dimension to this I never thought of. Thank you, Jan!

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  4. Harsh man… I can honestly say I was not expecting that. Thanks for the laugh.

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    1. Thank you, glad you laughed. I've gone through a lot of changes with this one, I was just about to make the wood sprite a Hell's Angel ...

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    2. the hell's angel version would have been funny, too, i expect. i love this on. real funny

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    3. Thank you. Originally Samantha was a little girl who puts Clarence through the wood chipper because she's naive and gullible and he's ruined it all for her. And also a Hell's Angel.

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  5. Hahahahaha! A thousand garden gnomes must have just now read this and shuddered! Hilarious!

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    1. They are all now crossing themselves, even the ones who are Jewish.

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  6. There's some great dark humor to brighten my day. :) Clarence had a great thing going until he ruined it. Either that, or he was just trying to make an excuse to get away from her, finally.

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    1. I think Clarence was just as naive as Samantha except a hell of a lot nicer. Hope he liked splintering off in new directions ...

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  7. Puff the Magic Dragon with a savage twist... I don't know how you do this week after week. :)

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    1. I don't know either, but I wish someone would stop me!

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  8. he broke up with a 37-year old woman who still plays with a wood sprite. what did he expect? :) that was brutal, Perry lol nice dark humor

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    1. Originally I has Samantha as a little girl who was so naive she would believe in Clarence until she was 37, but I thought it lacked a little punch. She still put him through the wood chipper though. That's a constant.

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  9. Ummmmm... another POV.. may be their time units were different.. what Clarence felt as 10 yrs was actually 40 yrs for Samantha! :)

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    1. No, not that. Clarence was as naive as Samantha, and Samantha was a wood chipper murderous. Deeper than that, I don't get!

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  10. I'm still laugh at the ending, Perry, and worrying what that might say about me.

    janet

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    1. Janet, I can't think of anything bad to say about you ... except your politics, of course.

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    1. She's 37 years old and believes in wood sprites. She's capable of anything!

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  12. Another hilarious story. I wonder if her parents knew but were just in denial. It would be pretty hard to accept that your 37-year-old daughter still plays with a wood sprite. I wonder what the neighbors thought. They must be relieved she's now locked up. She was a terrible example for the neighborhood children.

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    1. I'd rather my 37 year old daughter play with a wood sprite than most of the guys out there. Not that I have a daughter. And not that I don't desperately wish I were one of the guys out there. Thanks for writing!

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  13. I laughed out loud at the ending, great twist Perry

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    1. Thank you from one who is 40 for the first time! That is I skipped over it the first time on my way to 60, I'm gonna go back and pick it up now.

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  14. You made me laugh! Fabulous :)

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  15. Then my job is done. Gonna ride off into the sunset ...

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  16. Hi Perry,
    A really chipper story! Never refer to a woman's age, or weight, or warts. This one was a delightful story until it took that nasty turn. Ron

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    1. I guess I just don't do delightful so well. Thanks, Ron!

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  17. Oh dear - hell hath no fury like a woman scorned! Great tale!

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    1. Especially one who has a wood chipper nearby! Thanks.

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  18. No!! She must have looked really good. You surprised me again, Perry. As always, you make me laugh. I love sprites of all kinds.

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    1. I hope you like deceased sprites too, Amy. And I hope Samantha looked as good after she got out of the slammer too.

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  19. Clarence was ready for clearance,eh?But then if he had been true to his sprite spirit,Samantha would have paid long back and he could be chipped forever ;-) Glad to note that your fairy tales are very fair Perry and that Samantha got wood chucked too :D Enjoyed this-am still laughing,lol!

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    1. Clarence for clearance? I like that! Glad you're still laughing, but that's enough now.

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  20. Ouch! But then if someone addressed me in such saccharine tones I'd probably chip him too!

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    1. Remember, he dashed all her beliefs in one careless statement. Although you'd think he'd have noticed long ago she was over 30.

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  21. Dear Perry,

    "Painted wings and giant strings make way for other toys...one gray night it happened..." Sorry couldn't help myself. I went right there with Sandra. Samantha and I must have the same motto: Growing older is inevitable. Growing up is optional.
    Fun story...a little meshuggeneh..but fun.

    Shalom,

    Rochelle

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    1. Yes, but it's the growing older part that sucks! Get me around that one! Thanks, Rochelle.

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  22. I'm clapping my hands right now in the dull hope that I can bring Clarence back to life.

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  23. Oh my Perry, is this what they call dark humor?

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    1. No, this is dark chocolate. Take a bite!

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  24. Perry, Perry, she is certifiable and certainly insane. So what does that make the writer of this piece? Ha ha, just kidding - it is really, really good and I mean it! Very believable! Nan :)

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    1. Believe me, Nan, you haven't questioned the writer of this piece anywhere near as much as he does himself. Anyway thanks for liking the piece and finding it believable ....wait, believable?!

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  25. hehehe, nice. You definitely captured the dark side of fairy tales with this little ditty!

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    1. Maybe a little dark. I heard it tickles to be wood chipped, otherwise not so bad!

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  26. I believe! And I thought this was great, Perry. I'm glad Samantha got her just desserts. ;)

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  27. I must have the pre-edited version in my email, the last line was worded a little differently. It has taken me a few minutes to recover enough to leave a comment. I now know how to get a beverage to spew from my nose. This is why I keep you around! LOL

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