Sunday, March 2, 2014

March Madness!

According to the weather forecast this weekend, the old adage "March comes in like a lion" is about to be proven true. A big snowstorm is predicted for the Northeast on March 2.

But after that, everything's changed.  Forecasters have advised that instead of "going out like a lamb," March this year is set to go out "like a  badly scuffed pair of brown wingtips which need repair but are not yet ready to be disposed of.

Why?  It's the impact of climate change.   Many predictors think that next year March will come in "like comedian and actor Tracy Morgan" and go out "like somebody talented." Others believe March will come in "like a plate of cold lasagna" and go out "like sex with Renee Zellweger," which may not represent that much change.

"It's anybody's guess what happens," says Jim Cantore of the Weather Channel. "All the computer models differ based on the flow of  the Gulf Stream, the dew points on the Equator, and the number of Baby Boomers who think Channing Tatum is a girl.  It's my personal belief that we're due for a succession of years in which 'March comes in like a set of Louis Vuitton Luggage and goes out like my cousin Milt Vanderberg, who hasn't held a steady job in years.'"

And what has happened to the Lion and Lamb? 

"Looks like the Lion and the Lamb have laid down together,"  says Cantore. "And next year it's quite possible 'March will come in like a wholly new breed of half lion/half lamb and go out like the Lamb's attorney chasing the Lion as fast as he damn well can!'"



Perry Block said...

There must be something wrong with this post that I'm missing. It is funny. Maybe it needs a better title.
That's it, I'll work on the title!
Not licked yet ...

Unknown said...

The title change fixed it. Brilliant spotting the need for that.

As for March coming in like a lion: they were calling for 8+ inches of snow for us. We ended up getting a whopping ZERO. Just a few snowflakes in the air. This lion must be getting old or something because that was highly unimpressive. Are you sure you two aren't related? :)

Perry Block said...

We got two inches, so it seems like March came in "like a badly scuffed pair of brown wingtips which need repair but are not yet ready to be disposed of." This was one of those pieces that I found quirky and hilarious that the rest of the world found quirky and lousy. It seems to happen a lot. Anyway, thanks for writing, Adam! Hope your March goes out lots better than Milt Vanderberg.

N/A said...

I have never heard that phrase before. I feel awkward. Learn something new every day.

Perry Block said...

Well, at least I have done something in educating you! My work here is done. And thanks for writing, even though this post went in like cold lasagna and came out like reject Louis Vuitton luggage for you.

MikeWJ said...

The Morgan and Zellweger lines are priceless.

Actually, they're free. But they ought to be priceless.

Perry Block said...

Thanks, Mike. I kind of like Renee Zellweger but think Tracy Morgan is one of the most overrated no-talents in show business. His idiotic stand up is actually painful to watch. This is the first time I've seen your blog. You don't seem to promote it on Facebook. Why is that?