Sunday, March 2, 2014
According to the weather forecast this weekend, the old adage "March comes in like a lion" is about to be proven true. A big snowstorm is predicted for the Northeast on March 2.
But after that, everything's changed. Forecasters have advised that instead of "going out like a lamb," March this year is set to go out "like a badly scuffed pair of brown wingtips which need repair but are not yet ready to be disposed of."
Why? It's the impact of climate change. Many predictors think that next year March will come in "like comedian and actor Tracy Morgan" and go out "like somebody talented." Others believe March will come in "like a plate of cold lasagna" and go out "like sex with Renee Zellweger," which may not represent that much change.
"It's anybody's guess what happens," says Jim Cantore of the Weather Channel. "All the computer models differ based on the flow of the Gulf Stream, the dew points on the Equator, and the number of Baby Boomers who think Channing Tatum is a girl. It's my personal belief that we're due for a succession of years in which 'March comes in like a set of Louis Vuitton Luggage and goes out like my cousin Milt Vanderberg, who hasn't held a steady job in years.'"
And what has happened to the Lion and Lamb?
"Looks like the Lion and the Lamb have laid down together," says Cantore. "And next year it's quite possible 'March will come in like a wholly new breed of half lion/half lamb and go out like the Lamb's attorney chasing the Lion as fast as he damn well can!'"