Tuesday, August 14, 2012

Getting to Know You

"Getting to know you, 

Getting to know all about you"

"Paul, welcome to the team!
I know you're going to add a great deal to our campaign."

"Thank you, Mitt.  I appreciate your confidence."

"It's not exactly that.  How could you possibly detract?  Nothing from nothing leaves nothing."

"Mitt, I won't let you down.  By the way, not sure I like the name Mitt."

"Yeah, sometimes I like it and sometimes I don't.  As with everything else with me."

"Now, you said you wanted to discuss some of my ideas for dramatically reducing the budget?"

"Yes, Paul.  I love your ideas for getting rid of Obamacare and slashing Medicare,  social programs for the lowest income Americans, food stamps, and the tires on Chris Matthews' car.  Especially repealing Obamacare.  What moron would ever think a program like that could work?!! "

"Clearly someone wholly unfit for office, Mitt.   BTW,  now that I have to say it all the time, Mitt does seem like a goofy name."

"Yeah, I'm feeling that way right now too.  Paul, what I want to understand more thoroughly are your ideas for shrinking Big Government." 

"Well, first up we're going to cut each Congressional Representative's staff by one aide.  The bottom level aide doesn't usually do much besides tweet pictures of the Representative's private parts to constituents anyway."

"Sure, that makes sense. What else?  

"I will be making some cuts to the Executive Branch as well." 

"That's only fair. Wait, let me guess:  You're reducing the number of Presidential bodyguards by one, just like the Congressional aides."

"Well, not exactly."

"What then?"

"We're reducing the number of Presidential bodyguards by all of them. From now on,  you'll be protected by the Sloman Shield."

"Oh ....er .... sure.  That ...  umm ... makes sense.  What else?

"About Air Force One ...."

 "Wait, let me guess: we'll be turning Air Force One into Privatized President's Plane One .... ha, ha, ha."

"Well, not exactly."

"What then?"

"Turning Air Force One into Volkswagen One."

"Oh ....err .... sure.  That ...  ummm ... makes sense.  Guess you'll also be turning the White House into the White Bungalow .... ha, ha,ha."

"Well, not exactly."

"What then?"

"Turning the White House into Volkswagen Two."

"Oh ... errr .... sure ...  sure.   That ...ummmm ... makes sense .... that makes .... Paul, these Executive Branch changes are ridiculous! How will you ever put them through?!!"

"That's not my problem, Mitt."

"Why not?"

"Because once we're elected I'm eliminating the position of Vice-President.  Day One you're in office, first thing you do is repeal me!"  
"But what about Obamacare?!"

"That' s Day Two, right after you repeal the Presidential Chief of Staff, the Cabinet, and air conditioning for both Volkswagen I and II.  And boy, Mitt sure is one goofy name!

"Actually, right now I like it."


"Because once I'm in office, it's the only thing I'm gonna have left!"


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