Thursday, August 11, 2011

The Tribe Hits the Tube

Beam us to Boca, Scotty!

Back in the 1950’s and early 60's, there were very few Jewish characters on commercial TV.

In fact, there was one --- Buddy Sorrell, the fast-talking, joke-a-minute, actually kind of annoying comedy writer working with Rob Petrie and Sally Rogers on The Dick Van Dyke Show, as played by Morey Amsterdam.

And we were kind of proud of him.

Then came Seinfeld, Will and Grace, Curb Your Enthusiasm, and many more,  and now Jewish folks are as plentiful on TV they are on a Sunday morning in Murray’s grabbing a shmear!

Next season’s no exception.  Here’s a few of the new Jews on the Tube you'll be tuning in to  this fall: 

Jersey Shnorrer. From Hackensack to Haddonfield,  Mike “The Insinuation” Tsooristino charms his way into nice Jewish homes  throughout the Garden State without so much as opening his wallet or bringing a bottle of Manischewitz!

First up, the Insinuation ensconces himself for two weeks at a Ventnor oceanfront villa frolicking on the beach with the family’s 18 year old daughter all the while the dad under the impression he’s from Comcast there to restore the family’s Lifetime

 Watch out, Snooki!  A new reality star is born! 

Meet the Putz. Each week a panel of Jewish journalists questions a prominent, influential, and totally full-of-crap newsmaker who attempts to evade the panel's  every question by commenting excessively on how much he or she loves Seinfeld, Marc Chagall, and the Jewish vote. 

The distinguished panel of questioners includes Barbara Walters, Andrea Mitchell, and Gilbert Gottfried (he needs the work) who will weekly demonstrate the wide variety of styles, cadences, and tonalities in which to pose the question "But is it good for the Jews?"

Moderator Geraldo Rivera will close each program with commentary as to why anyone who’s not meshugah would hire him as the moderator for a news and affairs program in 2011 and why his mustache is indeed good for the Jews. 

This Old House for Jews. The popular PBS program returns in a new format chosen especially for the Chosen People. Host Bob Vilaberg explains how to select carpenters, electricians, and painters to accomplish those home repair and remodeling jobs that you and I could perform about as readily as cloning, nuclear fission, or explaining what the hell's  going on in a movie by the Coen Brothers.

Using the phone book to find non-Jewish contractors, asking sage questions about complex equipment such as a hammer (learn how to pronounce it, click here:, and passing the time while waiting for the contractor to show up, if ever, are presented in clear monosyllabic English even we woefully unhandy Hebrews can understand. 

How I Met Your Mohel.  For hard-working but shy mohel Sidney Snipberg,  the single life is about as exciting as the eighth night of Hannukah until he meets dynamic Rabbi Saul Mellow, a spiritual leader so good with the ladies male congregants touch their prayer books to him!

Together the two head for the Promised Land --- Las Vegas --- for 40 days and 40 nights of fun-fun-fun, as Sidney and Saul  set out to disprove the old adage that all Jews "have a little dreidel."    It's the Hebrews meet "The Hangover," and when it comes to laughs, it ain't chopped liver! 

Star Shlep. It’s “steady as she goes” once more as out of retirement shlep William (Oy,  I’m too old for Warp Speed!) Shatner as Admiral James T. Kirk and Leonard Nimoy as the half Vulcan/half Jewish Mr. Spock, whose new credo is “Live Long and Prosper and Never Shop Retail.” The ship’s crew will boldly go where no Jew has ever gone before --- K-mart!

The multi-ethnic but mono-religious cast features George Takei as newly converted (to Judaism, that is!) Lieutenant Sulu and new Jewish cast members in the roles of Dr. Bones McCoy, Lieutenant Uhuru, and Engineer Montgomery “Scotty” Scott, the world’s first Jew to speak with a Scottish brogue.

The intrepid crew aboard the Enterprise will battle Klingons, Romulans, and the Deadly Race of Jewish Mothers, which has Scotty crying out in the premiere episode “We need more power! She's going into a MACH 7 Why Can't You be More Like Your Cousin Joel The Harvard Man Who's President Of The Campus Hillel!

The Dick Van Dykeberg Show is a program which hearkens back to a classic situation comedy of the late fifties and early sixties. Working for the Alan Bernstein Variety Show are writers Rob Petrowitz, Sally Ruggulah, and Buddy Sorrell, the one gentile member of the writing team.

Buddy’s a fast-talking, joke-a-minute, actually kind of annoying guy, but isn’t it refreshing to have a non-Jewish character on national television these days?

Bet it will be a real source of pride for gentiles from coast to coast!


Not a Member of the Tribe?

     Shnorrer - a user, a moocher.
     Mohel - person who performs ritual Jewish circumcision on male infants.  Ouch!
     Touch prayer books to him - actually they are touched to the Torah, not the rabbi.
     Shlep - to drag along.
     Shul - synagogue.
     Putz - Come on!  You know that one.


K.B. Owen said...

Love it! Can I include it in my mashup of belly laughs? (planned for mid-week).


Perry Block said...

What's mine is yours, Kathy! But how did you manage to follow the blog twice?

And how can everybody do it?