Monday, August 22, 2011

Sayonara, "Senior!"

It’s time for we Baby Boomers to say Sayonara to the word "senior!" 

Unless you happen to be talking about your kid in the last year of high school.

Senior is a name we Boomers don’t like, don’t want, and don’t need. We require no special word to describe us as we not so quietly slip beyond the age we’re currently not so quietly slipping beyond the age of.

Our generation has its own name, bestowed since birth, which defines us at any age and at any stage along the continuous path of life. 

We knew what it meant at 16.  We know what it means at 66.

We’re Boomers!  All other words need not apply.

To be fair, Senior wasn’t always a four letter 6 letter word. It was devised as the politically correct replacement for old, elderly, retired, doddering, decrepit …. please stop me before I begin writing a pilot for Abe Vigota!

And as the late 20th Century stand-in for those words, it has performed admirably. Especially for members of the Greatest Generation, who receive more of their greatly deserved due when regarded as respected seniors, not out-to-pasture elderly.

But if Senior was the new Elderly, <insert your generation here> is the new Senior.

So how do we say Sayonara, "Senior?"

1) Stop Referring to Boomers in a Supposedly Positive Manner as "Active, Energetic, Vigorous, Feisty, or SASSY!"  

Because that means you’re thinking the typical Boomer is not active, energetic, vigorous, feisty or SASSY!  That implies you think the typical Boomer is sedentary, lethargic, comatose, and about as exciting as Martha Stewart on ativan.

Just like anybody else at any age, a Boomer should be presumed active, energetic, vigorous, feisty, or SASSY! until proven sedentary, lethargic, comatose, and about as exciting as Martha Stewart on ativan.

Got that, non-Boomers?  And you, Boomers, among the worst offenders, as well?

You too, Martha?

2)  Don't Ever Order a Senior Special! 

By that, I don't mean you shouldn’t order the special meal at IHOP which for a slightly slimmed down price provides lesser than regular portions of braised beef,  sewer-raised tilapia, or burnt-to-the-ground chicken fingers capped by an uber-chocolatey desert concocted by a Hogwarts Wizard to strikingly resemble something that actually tastes good.

Go ahead, mange, and save yourself the buck fifty.

But on your way out, conspicuously and effusively inform the management that you loved the delectable Boomer Special, you’ll return for it often, and you think it’s wonderful of the place to offer it to members of the Greatest Generation and the generation that came after them and before the Boomers, whatever the hell it is they're called, as well.

And leave a good tip.   Maybe one day they'll get the message.

3) Never Purchase a Magazine with a Name like Seniors Today, SeniorWorld, or SASSY SENIOR!  

Be forewarned: these are not publications to leave lying around the house open to strategic pages if you want to impress the babes.

They don’t sound so bad to you?  Well then, perhaps you'd also consider a lifetime (and therefore brief) subscription to Shlepping Along, Liver Spots Monthly, or the somewhat more trendy We’re Keith Richards' Grandfather! 

Just don't leave any of them lying around my house even if you've got them strategically open to the page that's been Certified by AARP to impress the babes!

So now it’s time to say goodbye to some unwanted company.

Sayonara, "Senior!"  

Have yourself a richly earned, well-deserved, and as-far-away-from-me-as-possible retirement.

And don’t let anyone call ya Senior!


To learn more about the Sayonara, "Senior" project, please also see What's in a Word?  by Non-Senior Baby Boomer Perry Block, also in this blog. 

Let's see where that link is ... hmmm .... huh!  It was here a minute ago.   Here it is!   

Had myself a Boomer moment there.


K.D. McCrite said...

Yeah, baby, Boom on! Forget rock; you boom, Perry!

But let me keep "sassy." It's the only thing that helps me to believe I'm still cute.

Perry Block said...

You don't need "SASSY!" to be cute, kd.

You will always be cute as long as you reject the language of "seniordom."

I've just about actually got myself convinced of that!