These days commercials for prescription drugs are on the air more than ever. Here’s a familiar commercial virtually everyone has seen.
A grandfather is playing with his young granddaughter.
“And the wolf huffed and puffed ….”
“Like you do sometimes, Grandpa?”
“Well, when you have COPD it can be hard to breath.”
“I’m four years old. Like I’d understand what’s wrong with you by some lame abbreviation!”
“I’m sorry, honey.”
“Well, what does COPD mean, Grandpa?”
“Oh, yes. COPD is chronic obstructive pulmonary disease.”
“Much better, Grandpa.”
“So I talked to my doctor. She said …”
“Your doctor is a woman, Grandpa!?”
“So I can be a doctor someday, Grandpa?”
“Well, if you don’t know what COPD is at your age, probably not.”
“So, anyway, I talked to my doctor. She said …”
“Symbachunk works 15 different ways, Mr. Farnum.”
“Is that so, Doctor?”
“Yes, as opposed to the next leading drug which only works 13 different ways, and 11 and 4 are pretty much just a rehash of each other.”
“So you’re recommending new Symbachunk for my COPD?”
“For your what?”
“Don’t tell me you don’t know what it is either!”
“That’s why there’s such a thing as the Internet, Mr. Farnum. Now stop staring at my tits and get out of my office!"
“Symbachunk is not for everyone. Tell your doctor about all your medical conditions, including the ones that cause others to giggle and point.
Major side effects are nausea, headaches, liver damage, growth of a Jewish nose, the sudden change of your name to Fred, marriage between your large and small intestines, and itching. Seek medical help if you have an erection lasting more than four hours since all of us want to know how we can do that too, and although it’s rare…
The risk of painful and bloody death.
Now, Mr. Farnum, you can go back and play with…
Go back and play with your …
This is terrible!
Somebody get a real doctor in here fast to revive him!
It’s too late?”
“But I thought this was an actor portrayal, not a real patient.”
“Sumbachunk is so lethal it can even kill the actor in an actor portrayal, let alone the patient.”
“I never knew that.”
“So you’re my new grandpa. I think I’m going to like you a lot better than my other grandpa who only talked in stupid acronyms.”
“Watch out, Piggy!”
“Then again, maybe not.”