DONALD J. TRUMP ILLEGAL ALIEN
HUMANE PROTECTIVE CUSTODY
AND PARENT-CHILD REUNITING SERVICES
(Translated from the Original Spanish)
Dear Illegal Alien:
You have recently utilized the services of the Donald J. Trump Illegal Alien Humane Protective Custody and Parent-Child Reuniting Services (“Donald J. Trump”). Thank you for choosing Donald J. Trump.
In order to help us continue to deliver excellent services to illegal aliens from shithole countries around the world like you, we would appreciate your taking a few moments to complete the survey below.
Thank you for your cooperation!
Circle the answer to the following questions most applicable to you and your child or children.
1) Please indicate your country of origin, using five (5) sentences to provide your answer.
a) When Mexico sends its people, they’re not sending their best. They’re bringing drugs. They’re bringing crime. They’re rapists. And some, I assume, are good people.
b) When Guatemala sends its people, they’re not sending their best. They’re bringing drugs. They’re bringing crime. They’re rapists. And some, I assume, are good people.
c) When El Salvador sends its people, they’re not sending their best. They’re bringing drugs. They’re bringing crime. They’re rapists. And some, I assume, are good people.
d) When Nicaragua sends its people, they’re not sending their best. They’re bringing drugs. They’re bringing crime. They’re rapists. And some, I assume, are good people.
2) What did you do in your home country before you illegally entered the United States?
d) Was Good People. Among the few.
3) Why did you illegally enter the United States?
a) To take jobs away from honest hard-working Americans.
b) To join MS-13 and kill and rape innocent white people.
c) To go to a sanctuary city and kill and rape innocent white people.
d) To be a proud law-abiding resident of the United States. For now.
4) Why did you illegally bring your child or children to the United States?
a) To spruce up bogus asylum claim.
b) Cost of tuba lessons prohibitive in Guatemala.
c) Just couldn’t shake ‘em!
d) You expect me to carry all that gear myself?
5) Rate your level of satisfaction with Donald J. Trump Humane Protective Custody Services as required by the heartless Child Separation Laws of the Obama Administration which Donald J Trump had nothing to do with.
a) Extremely Satisfied. Child’s cage was plush and well appointed.
b) Highly Satisfied. Children got to visit New York City!
c) Very Satisfied. Children got to meet and play with other children similarly scarred for life.
d) Satisfied. Peace and quiet at last!
6) Rate your level of satisfaction with Donald J. Trump Parent-Child Reuniting Services.
a) Extremely Satisfied. Child was returned by deadline in excellent health despite having totally forgotten about me.
b) Highly Satisfied. Child was returned by deadline although new daughter was returned in place of son. But she’s adorable!
c) Very Satisfied. Child not returned but I have been provided dedicated telephone number for constant updates, although calls from El Salvador do get pricey.
d) Satisfied. Children not returned although Donald J. Trump searching night and day for them in a place called Mar-a-lago.
7) Would you use Donald J. Trump again to provide you with Humane Protective Custody and Parent-Child Reuniting Services?
a) Yes, because he’s, like, a smart person.
b) Yes, because he went to Wharton and has all the best words.
c) Yes, because he’s building a wall and I am going to pay for it.
d) Yes, because there was no collusion, no obstruction.
Negative comments? ________________
Thank you very much for your answers which will be of great assistance to Donald J. Trump Illegal Alien Humane Protective Custody and Parent-Child Reuniting Services in providing consistently excellent service for valued customers like you.
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