The snow is finally subsiding in the east and the winter of our discontent is coming to a close. As blankets of white recede across this blizzard besieged section of the country, grass, trees, and bushes are at long last re-emerging from once frozen tundra.
Along with potholes.
Potholes the size of a coke fiend's nostrils. Potholes bigger than Ted Nugent's mouth.
Potholes that make even a trip around the block a potential Journey to the Center of the Earth!
Why are there so many potholes at the end of a long hard winter? It probably has something to do with snow seeping into the asphalt, freezing, then cracking the road surface as if it were a lobster dinner. But I believe there is another reason.
It is Nature's way of saying it's not done fucking with us.
"Look out!" screams every passenger in every motor vehicle everywhere from Maine to Maryland. "Veer right! Veer left! OMG, up ahead! It's the Godzilla of Potholes!"
Neighborhood roadways have now become minefields. The potholes are so plentiful that trying to get from Point A to Point B is like traversing a giant Connect-a-Dots. New potholes seem to form every day, many of them tucked away just so that they're impossible to spot until ...
you're in 'em!
Front end alignment? It's now your rear end alignment. Nice new set of tires? Well, one out of four ain't bad. Your GPS will pull you through? Funny, I've never heard an electronic device use that many four letter words that rapidly without exploding!
I hate to say it, but it's getting so you can't even text and drive anymore!
Look out!" screams every passenger in every motor vehicle everywhere from Maine to Maryland from now until about mid-summer, when all the potholes are finally fixed.
There's only one conceivable good thing about our plethora of potholes.
Maybe it can teach us something.
Maybe all that snow and ice wasn't so bad after all.