Tuesday, February 25, 2014

A Plethora of Potholes



The snow is finally subsiding in the east and the winter of our discontent is coming to a close. As blankets of white recede across this blizzard besieged section of the country, grass, trees, and bushes are at long last re-emerging from once frozen tundra.

Along with potholes.  

Lotsa potholes.

Potholes the size of a coke fiend's nostrils.  Potholes bigger than Ted Nugent's mouth. 
Potholes that make even a trip around the block a potential Journey to the Center of the Earth! 

Why are there so many potholes at the end of a long hard winter?  It probably has something to do with snow seeping into the asphalt, freezing, then cracking the road surface as if it were a lobster dinner.  But I believe there is another reason. 

It is Nature's way of saying it's not done fucking with us.

"Look out!" screams every passenger in every motor vehicle everywhere from Maine to Maryland.  "Veer right! Veer left!  OMG, up ahead! It's the Godzilla of Potholes!"

Neighborhood roadways have now become minefields.  The potholes are so plentiful that trying to get from Point A to Point B is like traversing a giant Connect-a-Dots.  New potholes seem to form every day, many of them tucked away just so that they're impossible to spot until ...

THUMMMPPP!

you're in 'em!

Front end alignment?  It's now your rear end alignment.  Nice new set of tires?  Well, one out of four ain't bad.  Your GPS will pull you through?  Funny, I've never heard an electronic device use that many four letter words that rapidly without exploding!

I hate to say it, but it's getting so you can't even text and drive anymore!

Look out!" screams every passenger in every motor vehicle everywhere from Maine to Maryland from now until about mid-summer, when all the potholes are finally fixed.

There's only one conceivable good thing about our plethora of potholes. 

Maybe it can teach us something.

Maybe all that snow and ice wasn't so bad after all.

~~~~~~~~~~~~~~

8 comments:

Jean Marie said...

You just made potholes interesting :) That's an extra point.

Ugh, you guys get it too? I wonder if there's some sort of synthesized material they could place over streets to stop potholes from forming. But then Streets and Sanitations would have less to do, there would be paycuts, job lay offs, less work... Oh, I see. I have stumbled onto something I should stop talking about. Damn sneaky city workers and their scheming.

Julie Jeffs said...

I see a new olympic sport emerging -- pothole slalom course, avoiding potholes. It would work well if they choose to have the winter olympics again in what is widely believed to be a summer beach resort kind of place where it might get too warm to keep the snow from melting.

Perry Block said...

I got the extra point! Hmmm. Let's discuss this later ...

As for potholes, they are everywhere. I actually don't remember a prior time that the potholes were ever this bad before, and I was born slightly after potholes were invented. I'm pretty sure it was another one of those Benjamin Franklin things.

Careful driving out there, JM, and thanks for commenting!

Perry Block said...

That's funny, Julie! Pothole Slalom!

In fact, I like that better than my article. I better start plagiarizing from you ... I mean, sharing ideas with you more often. Thanks for showing up here when I know you're probably actually in someplace like Kathmandu right now.

pattisjarrett said...

With the price of air fares, this may be a more affordable way to get to China.

Russell said...

I recommend you move to Colorado. From what I understand, they've developed a new type of pothole that's relaxing and enjoyable.

Perry Block said...

Probably quicker too. Maybe even better food.

Perry Block said...

One good bump and I could be in Colorado. Then it doesn't matter where I am!