I Invented "Award-Winning Self-Deprecation." So Why Would You Want To Read This Post?

                                    

When I started this blog over 15 years ago I coined the term "Award-Winning Self-Deprecation."

It's kind of an oxymoron - winning an award by convincing others you're not worthy to win an award.  But that's my stock in trade.

I won first prize in a self-deprecating contest. Of course, I didn't deserve it.

~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~

This trait did not serve me well in the job market.

"What talents can you bring to our company, Mr. Block?" 

"I would be good at self-deprecation if I were good at anything."

~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~

But I am constantly trying to improve myself.

I hope to get better at self-deprecation.  I certainly can't get any worse.

~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~

Of course, it helps  to have role models to pattern oneself after.

Do I have any role models?  Yes, anyone who isn't me.

~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~

Later in life I wrote a book.

I wrote the book on self-deprecation. Badly.

~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~

I once had a girl friend.

Any woman who would find me appealing is someone whose judgment I would never trust.

~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~

Recently I've been doing standup comedy.

I'd like to tell self-deprecating jokes but I'm not any good at it.

~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~

Do other people think I'm self-deprecating?

They do, but I think they're dead wrong! The again, what do I know?

~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~

If there's one phase that fully describes me, it's "Be Positive".

That's my blood type, not my attitude.

~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~

Had enough? I know I have.

Being self-deprecating is no way to be. If you're that way too, I'd try to kick it.

I've decided that for 2026, I will as well! Enough is enough.

Starting today, I will never say enough self-deprecating thing!

 (Of course, I'll probably fail at it.)

                                  

~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~

You Say You Want A Resolution, 2026

I have to admit I haven't made any New Year's Resolutions for 2026.

But there's a valid reason for that.  

It's because having kept all of my resolutions impeccably in the past there's no remaining areas of human endeavor in which for me to improve.

I say this with no sense of hubris whatsoever.  After all, it was my resolution No. 27) in 2019 to eliminate all hubris from my life, and as with all my other resolutions I have succeeded swimmingly at that one as well.

(Note to Self: Make one resolution for 2026: Eliminate annoying word swimmingly from my vocabulary.)

As proof of my assertion above, I have hereinbelow attached a list of my resolutions for Calendar Year 2014.  Aside from the few that proved just too difficult for both me and everyone else on the planet to accomplish - No. 21) Assure that Donald Trump is placed behind bars once and for all  -  you will see that all of the others have been achieved and achieved to perfection.  

You Say You Want a Resolution Part II

Yep.

If you have taken a look and indeed checked them all out, you can now irrefutably confirm that I've nailed each and every one of these. 

Swimmingly.

Oh, Shit!

~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~

Across the Universe

"We're almost to Earth now, Malac. Our long journey is close to complete."

'It's true, Zorp. Do you think we will finally achieve our objective?"

"Indeed!  Our purpose is noble, our determination resolute, and our hearts are pure."

"Just think, Zorp: If Kropotkin Speed Travel had never been invented, this 17 Earth Year Trip would have taken two Earth Centuries."

"Yes, Xontar Kropotkin was some visionary. Not to mention his invention of French Toast."

"Look, Zorp!  Planet Earth is finally coming into sight!"

"What? The sky is blue here! The grass is green!"

"Wonder if they even have the color Kropotkin!"

"I forgot, Malac. He invented that too."

"We're zeroing in at long last!" 

"Our monumental quest is coming to fruition!"

"I'm getting weak in the knees!

"There! There! Oh, Look!"

"I Can't Believe It, Malac!"

"Breathtaking!"

"Even More Wondrous Than Ever I Have Dreamed!"

"Let's Say It Together:

  SYDNEY SWEENEY!!!

 "In all the Universe, Zorp!"  

"What are you doing, Malac?"

"'Writing home about it." 

~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~

If you liked this post, you might like The Three Reasons Why Aliens from Space, Having Long Landed on Earth, Do Not Dare Contact Us.

If you hated this post, I hope Sydney Sweeney calls you on the phone and you --- not believing it's her --- hang up and she never has the courage to call you again!

Top Ten Reasons We Know The Epstein Files Are Redacted

 

10) Forward by Ghislaine Maxwell.

9) With all redactions, runs to 13 pages.

8) Levitt says "This is the most transparent Administration in history because it's so easy to see through."

7) Epstein Files released with this strip around them.

6) Word "Redaction" quits the English Language in disgust.

5) Reached through a seance, Epstein says "What the hell have they done to my Epstein files?!!"

4) Trump J.Trump says "I ate more references to Trump than are shown here!"

3) All Republicans who voted to release the Epstein Files except Thomas Massie breathe a collective sigh of relief that can be heard all the way to Moscow.

2) Much of it written with a Sharpie. 

And the Number 1 Reason  We Know the Epstein Files are Redacted,

1) "CliffsNotes to the Epstein Files" by Stephen Miller.

~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~

And the Number One Sign that Perry is Kinda Old:

He Still Thinks Top Ten Lists are a Thing.