YOUR TEETH
"Okay, Celestia, who's next?"
"Next we've got a 66 year old Jewish guy from Philadelphia, a Mr. Perry Block. First
person we've ever gotten up here who died by whining."
"Send him in."
"Where am I? What happened
to the 57 year old twins?"
"Mr. Perry Block, I'm sorry to have to tell you this, but YOU'RE
DEAD!"
"Dead? You mean, like an extended
version of my weekends?”
"Not that bad,
Mr. Block, but a lot longer.”
"Where am I?"
"Welcome
to Judgment Dental, Mr. Block!"
"Judgment Dental! Like in the Albert Brooks' movie Defending
Your Life? I love that movie!”
"No, no, Mr.
Block! That's Judgment City.”
“Where's Mr. Brooks?
Where's Meryl Streep? Even
dead, I want selfies!"
“No, Mr. Block, this is the first stop - Judgment Dental. Here we judge
your dental care."
"Who are you?"
"I'm the Tooth Fairy. And you'll notice I'm a chick and I look nothing like Dwayne Johnson."
"Good. Finally one place that guy's not! What happens now, Tooth Fairy?"
“Defending
Your Teeth! Ready, Mr. Block?”
“I’m ready.”
“Let's go to 9/27/88. Take a look at yourself up on the screen, Mr.
Block, and tell me what you are doing?"
"Drinking Coca-Cola."
"You do that frequently?"
"If by frequently you mean as fast as my fingers can open the next can, it’s
probably bordering on frequently."
"And here you are at nighttime that very same day, brushing your
teeth."
"See! I'm brushing."
"Would you take a look at the tube of toothpaste you're brushing with? What
kind of toothpaste is it, Mr. Block?"
"It's Crest with Chocolate Morsels."
"Do
you think that's an appropriate decay preventing toothpaste, Mr. Block?"
"Well, you want me to be incented to brush, don't you?"
"Isn't it true, Mr. Block, that you didn't even own a toothbrush for an
entire seven months during the years 1997-1998?"
"That's not true! My toothbrush was in the shop. I didn't get a loaner..."
"Let's
look at 4/25/95. Here you are attempting to gargle, Mr. Block.
Do you want to describe what happened?"
"Excuse me, but shouldn't I have an advocate? Where's actor Rip Torn?"
"Oh, sorry. He's trapped near the Inner Circle of Thought."
"I knew it! That movie was so accurate!"
"Mr. Block, again please, what about 4/25/95?"
"I went to take mouthwash and accidentally took a swig of
aftershave."
"And promptly did a spit take into the mirror, didn't you?"
"Yes, and it got a much bigger laugh in the movie than here."
"Here's
the final day we're going to visit: 1/27/12. Who is this man, Mr.
Block? Why does he look so gleeful? Why is he rubbing his hands together?
"That's my dentist, Dr. Kropotkin."
"That's right, Mr. Block. You had the next appointment that morning with
Dr. Kropotkin. He was rubbing his hands together because your mouth alone sent
his three kids through college and bought him a condo in Boca."
"It’s true. Some people had to wait six months for an appointment. Me,
he gave a Bat Signal."
"I think we've seen enough. Mr. Block, I'm afraid I have no alternative but to send you to ..."
"Tooth
Fairy! Tooth Fairy!"
"What is it, Celestia?"
"We made a mistake! Mr. Block is not dead! That last whine turned out to be a high-pitched
burp."
"Well, then, Mr. Block, you have a second chance. I hope you've
learned your lessons."
"I
have, Tooth Fairy!
From now on I will
brush with an effective decay-preventative dentifrice as part of
a conscientiously applied program of oral hygiene and
regular professional care. And after all these years I will finally look
up the word ‘dentifrice.’ "
"That's what we want to hear, Mr. Block. Good luck to you!"
"Tooth Fairy, before I go?"
"Yes, Mr. Block?"
"You got a Coke machine up here?"
~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~
So remember to take great Dental Care, folks. You don't ever want to find yourself having to be ....
DEFENDING YOUR TEETH!
Note: I happened to watch one of my favorite movies, Defending Your Life, the night before a dental appointment. Somehow this was the result.
