The Threat of the Five-Year-Old Domestic Terrorists

 

 A Press Conference in The Very Near Future:

"Good afternoon, Ladies and Gentlemen, I'm Border Czar Tom Homan." 

"And I'm Director of Homeland Security, Kristi Noem."

Minneapolis Press Corps: OMG!  That bizarre clownlike artificial face! That ugly glowering older man face! It's ... it's ....Oh, No!  It's the Joker and the Penguin!

Homan: No, no folks! We're Kristi Noem and Tom Homan.

Press Corps: Sorry you two, but that's a natural mistake.

Noem: We're here to inform all of you that we have scoped out once and for all the major source of domestic terrorism here in Minneapolis and elsewhere that is hampering and sabotaging our critical immigration efforts.

Press Corps: Yes, which is?

Homan: Five-year-olds. 

Press Corps: Five-year-olds?

Homan:  Yes, five-year-old domestic terrorists! You've all seen this image recently circulated of the young terrorist in the blue knit cap, but what you haven't seen is that he came to the protest in question ready to inflict maximum harm on our brave ICE agents. 

Noem: He aggressively approached our agents brandishing a ...a ...a ...

                                              

Homan: Let me just say it right out loud!  Brandishing a frog!  A frog that might have bitten our agents! Or even worse, given them warts on contact!

Noem: It took seven agents to wrestle this little terrorist  to the ground and disarm him of the venomous frog during which all the while he was viciously kicking and biting.  Our agents feared for their lives! 

Homan: And their complexions!

Noem: And when they finally had him neutralized they found he had even another weapon on him.

Press Corps: What was it? A machete? A gun with multiple rounds of ammunition?

Homan: A rock.  A big one!

Noem: You should never bring a rock to a protest! 

Press Corps: We've heard President Trump has said he wants the immigration laws to be enforced with a "softer touch."

Noem: And that is exactly what we're doing! From now on whenever we arrest a five-year-old domestic terrorist we will fully refrain from telling them there is no Santa Claus!  

Homan: The Easter Bunny, though, is a whole other matter. 

Press Corps: We understand that you are planning to shortly withdraw 700 ICE agents from Minneapolis!"

Homan: Yes, that will start almost immediately.

Press Corps: Well, that's certainly good!

Homan: And we'll be sending them all directly to Sesame Street.

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If you liked this post you might also like Kristi Noem and Tom Homan Auction Off the Equipment and Fixtures of Alligator Alcatraz.

If you hated this post, I hope you ... nah, I wouldn't wish you anything as bad as having to look at or listen to these two for real!