Dr. StrangeTrump or: How He Learned to Stop Worrying But Didn't Need to Learn to Love the Bomb, He Loves It Already*

                       

    

          

General Turgidson:  Dr. StrangeTrump, Dr. StrangeTrump! Why do you want to start nuclear testing again?

Dr. StrangeTrump: It’s because of the Chinese and even my darling Putin. They’re trying to sap and impurify our precious bodily fluids!

What fluids, sir?  Sexual fluids?

No, my precious saliva, you idiot! How can I spit out my usual inanities, stupidities, and racist comments without saliva? There's also a thing called fluoridation of water! 

Isn't that good?

Don't you know what RFK Jr. says about fluoride when he isn't busy swilling Tylenol and otherwise ruining Cheryl Hines' reputation?

No.

It lowers everyone’s IQ. Although that won’t affect me because I’m a very high‑IQ person and staple genius. 

Isn't that stable genius?

Whatever! 

What about AOC and Jazmine Crocket?

They’re already low‑IQ people. They couldn't recognize a drawing of an elephant, which I -  not to brag - can do four out of ten times!

Now what are you doing, Dr. StrangeTrump?

I’m ordering an attack on China and on Ukraine because Zelensky doesn't like my lovely Putin.

But, Dr. StrangeTrump, the whole free world will be in ruins!

Details, details!

What are you doing now, Dr. StrangeTrump?

I’m going to hop on this warhead and ride it to glory! My twenty thousand pounds of happiness!

No, Dr. StrangeTrump, No!

I'm walking over to the warhead now.  Mein Führer, I can walk!”

Not even trying to hide your hero worship now, are you, StrangeTrump?

Nein!  I mean, nope.  I’ve got to reach the target… do you hear me? I must release the bomb! YAA-HOO!

And will you also release the Epstein Files?

Are you crazy? That would be the end of my free world!

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*The title of the actual movie is "Dr. Strangelove or: How I Learned to Stop Worrying and Love the Bomb."  

Lincoln and His Generals and the Grand Ballroom

Donald Trump claims that for over 150 years presidents and others in the  government have desired a grand ballroom at the White House.

That isn’t exactly true as to those who wanted it.

The Time: April 14, 1861
The Setting: The White House

President Abraham Lincoln greets all the Union generals.

Lincoln: Welcome, gentlemen! We have perilous times ahead. It will take the courage, stamina, and leadership of all of you to face the monumental task before us.

McClellan: Yes, you’re not kidding, Mr. President. It’s no easy job to construct a grand ballroom here at the White House.

Lincoln: Excuse me?

McClellan: A  90,000 square foot grand ballroom. 

Lincoln: What?!!! What I need you all for is to win the war to preserve the Union! 

Sherman:   We'll get to that.  But first most of us have desperately wanted a grand ballroom for over ... umm, five years.

Burnside: Wait, only five years? I heard over 150 years.

Sherman:  Burnside, it’s 1861. In 2025, some guy with orange skin will claim it’s been over 150 years!

Lincoln:  I can't believe all of you are talking about a ballroom!

Sherman: Not just any ballroom! One with golden chandeliers!

Lincoln: Do you have any idea how much that would cost?!!

Sherman: No chandeliers, no March to the Sea!

Lincoln: Oh, Good Lord, above!

Grant: All I want is a barrel of whiskey every day.

Lincoln: At least that's a modest request.

Grant: Solid gold barrel, surrounded by fleur-de-lis and golden cherubs. 

Lincoln: So much for you having a hard-boiled reputation!

Burnside: I want a large dance floor for waltzing! 

Lincoln: Waltzing!!? Who are you going to waltz with?!

Burnside: Maybe Hooker. He knows a lot of women.

Sherman: Chandeliers. I demand chandeliers! Non-negotiable!

Burnside: And I demand a high coffered ceiling, crafted by artisans from around the world.

Lincoln: Guys… they’re firing on Fort Sumter!

McClellan: Fort Sumter will never fall! I demand a mini-golf course in the East Wing. Par threes only. 

Lincoln (throwing up hands): All right,  all right,  I’LL BUILD IT!!! But it has to be right after the Civil War is won and after I get to the theater for some badly needed relaxation.

Meade: Oh boy… I have a feeling the grand ballroom  isn’t going to get built for another 150 years.

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Donald Trump, Man of Peace and the Gaza Riviera

    

Yep, Trump is a hero in Israel today.  He was "instrumental" in bringing about a six-week ceasefire, the release of all Israelis being held hostage in Gaza and hundreds of Palestinians being held by Israel, and a proposed Gaza reconstruction process ...

which will result in

“The Riviera of the Middle East!”

"Damn it," said Trump, "what did I do all this for if I didn't get the Nobel Peace Prize? Why did I resolve a conflict that was 3,000 years in the making ever since Jews were first invented to not get the Nobel Peace Prize that I deserve over that woman in the South America country who agrees I richly deserve this prize and she doesn't?

This was the greatest moment in the history of the world along with the overrated inventions of fire and the wheel and it was mine, all mine!

But I am happy that peace seems at hand in the Middle East such that I may now reconstruct Gaza into a place of luxury resorts, marinas, and my long-dreamed of "Riviera in Gaza Paradise!” 

It’ll be Blgly!  It will have the best beaches in the world with unbelievable sand.  BTW, the sand is already there, we don't have to truck it in at all!

 And  there’ll be Trump Tower Gaza. 

And my close personal friend and partner in "peace" [snicker] Benjamin Netanyahu need not worry if the Israelis treat him so unfairly and  kick him out of office because before long he and I will be relaxing poolside at the Trump Tower Gaza being waited on by Palestinians like Chuck Schumer during my third term in office as President of the United States.

People are going to say "sir, you have done an unbelievable job in creating this vacation paradise like no one has ever seen before! And we love the Gaza Gift Shop!"  

Yes, I Donald J. Trump am so glad I was single-handedly able to bring peace to the Middle East after 3,000 years of conflict  over ... over ... oh, what the hell was it over anyway? and ....

Welcome, my Billionaire Friends, to the Gaza Riviera!

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[Great that there is a cease fire, the hostages are back and Palestinian children are safe, but Trump could have done this 7 months ago if he understood the issues at all or cared about the people involved.  I'm sure he'll go back to destroying our democracy tomorrow.

The New Logo For The United Quisling Party of America

 

                         

THE UNITED QUISLING PARTY OF AMERICA

Formerly known as the Republican Party

I've developed this new name and logo for the Republican Party.  The gentleman in the logo is Vidkun Quisling, one of the most famous traitors of all time.

Everyone in the Republican Party from Mike Johnson to John Thune to Lindsay Graham to Marjorie Taylor should now be called: 

                                             

United Quislings

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I only wish it could be implemented for real.

Trump Just Poking A Little Bit of Fun

 

According to Vice President JD Vance President Trump was just "poking a little bit of fun" when he posted the above deep fakes of Minority House Leader Hakeem Jeffries and Senate Minority Leader Chuck Schumer that were not only profoundly racist but also idiotic and unbelievably puerile for the supposed leader of the Free World.

  But that's not all:

News Item:  Trump has ordered actor and activist Mark Ruffalo arrested and deported  and has mandated that Jon Voight be cast in any roles originally slated for Ruffalo.

Senate Majority Leader John Thune: Oh, that's just President Trump poking a little bit of fun.

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News Item: Trump has sent American Troops to Canada, Greenland, Barbados, and Vatican City to conquer them and create the 51st, 52nd, 53rd and 54th states of the United States "with more to come."

Speaker Mike Johnson:  Oh, that's just President Trump poking a little bit of fun.

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News Item:  Trump has unleashed multiple hydrogen bombs all throughout the planet and most of the Earth is in ruins.

Vice President JD Vance:  Oh, that's just President Trump poking a little bit of fun.

We should all be able to poke as much fun in our lives.

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Just poking a little bit of fun.

Pete Hegseth, Late Night TV Huckster

 

 I'm Secretary of Hot War Pete Hegseth!  In  line with my compelling speech on Warrior Ethos a few days ago, I'm coming to you on ABC, CBS and any other radical left crazy TV broadcast stations we can make money on with an amazing offer!

Most warriors over 40 look in the mirror and see this:

When they could be seeing this:

 Yes, today's warriors need to be trim, fit, and male. And there will be no more beards, long hair, or superficial individual expression. But worst of all is a warrior with undereye bags!

Nothing indicates lack of readiness to hunt, attack, and kill our enemies than looking like you've been up all night drinking, which, umm, I never have been!

But now there's Particle Face Cream which will reduce those undereye bags to fighting size to make you look great as you rip the lungs out of the Enemy Within in Portland Oregon!

And fellas: it will make those few women who remain in our armed services after we kick most of them out look younger and hotter! Ah-Whooo!

Particle Face Cream has six clinically proven ingredients.  Do I know what they are? Of course not, who cares?

So, generals and admirals and even lowly warriors, through this special TV offer on this radical left crazy woke television station, Particle Face Cream is now available for the low, low price of only $99.99 per tube but hey, I'm only getting half of that! 

Of course Trump is getting the other half, naturally.

Get Yourself Particle Face Cream today!

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[BTW, Garish tattoos are fine and dandy!]