I Am A Backwards Phillies Baseball Cap And I'm Sorry But I Simply Don't Belong on Perry's Head

Hey, Perry, thanks for buying me.

I am a Backwards Phillies Baseball Cap.  I was made to be that way. 

You and I are gonna have a a lot of fun together, you riding me backwards on your head, me proudly aloft, both of us playing softball, hanging with buds, and of course checking out the ladies.

Yep, it's gonna be a good life!

Wait a minute!  There's something wrong here.  My spidey sense is tingling!

Perry, you watch "Only Murders in the Building.""

You find Helen Mirren and Dame Judi Dench oddly attractive.

Lately you've been considering a reverse mortgage and you don't even need one but you're a sucker for Tom Selleck.

This looks bad, very bad.  Oh no!

You drink two Ensures every day!

OMG, Perry Block, you're 75 years old!!!

How were you allowed to buy me?  What kind of people are they hiring at Rally Sports these days?  Baseball cap sadists?  

Didn't anyone tell you there's an age cutoff  for wearing Backwards Phillies Caps? 

By most authorities that cutoff is 35 years old, but some other authorities rate it even younger.  Keynesian economist Paul Krugman, who is also an expert on Baseball Capology, has written extensively on the subject and has designated 27 as a more accurate cutoff.  

And he has a Nobel Prize. 

Didn't they tell you that wearing a backwards baseball cap while 75 is against the law in most jurisdictions? True, it's only a misdemeanor in Philadelphia but should Phillies Karen spot us  you'll face charges while I'll spend the rest of my life on top of that goofy short gray haircut trolling for baseballs and  grabbing them out of the hands of decent folk from coast to coast!

Oh, Perry, please take me to Backwards Phillies Baseball Cap Rescue and rehome so that I may be worn backwards by a freckled faced kid named Skippy who spends his lazy summer afternoons at the old fishin' hole.

What am I saying! I don't want to live in a Norman Rockwell painting!

Okay, Perry, you seem like a very nice person.  Actually I wouldn't go that far but at least you're not a shit.  I guess I could get used to you wearing me forward in that old guy style which makes you look like you could be Nick Castellanos' gardener.

I guess things could be worse.

I  could be a Backwards Mets Baseball Cap.

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"I just can't abide that goofy short gray haircut!"