Top Ten Signs You're At A Lousy Comedy Open Mic

 

Yep, here's my curated list of

Top Ten Signs You're At A Lousy Comedy Open Mic

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Number 10)

The Open Mic is in "The Jeff Foxworthy/Larry the Cable Guy Comedy Club."

Number 9)

There is a "One Drink" Minimum and a "One Rotten Tomato" Minimum.

Number 8)

The audience consists exclusively of people who think LIMU Emu and Doug are hilarious. 

Number 7)

The Host Introduces You as "The Sporadically Funny ___"

Number 6)

When They Shine a Light at You at 4 Minutes, a Big Brawny Guy Appears and Says "It'll Go Much Better For You If You Cooperate, Rocco!"

Number 5)

During Your Set, Even the Crickets Get Up and Leave the Building.  

Number 4)

The Host Makes a Point of Mentioning that You're the Guy Who Had Sex with the Biggest, Meanest Comic's Little Sister, Even Though You Didn't.

Number 3)

As You Leave the Stage After Your Set is Over, the Wah-Wah Sound Plays.

Number 2)

Instead of Saying "Give it up for Perry!" the Host Says "Give It Up, Perry!" 

And the Number One Sign You're at a Lousy Comedy Open Mic:

The Host is Stephen Miller.

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And the Number One Sign that Perry is Kinda Old:

He Still Thinks Top Ten Lists are a Thing.