I Was Caught on the Coldplay Platonic Cam

 

Yep, I was caught last week on the Coldplay Platonic Cam.  Here's how it went down ....

"Look, everyone," said Chris Martin, "there's a man on camera with his arms around nobody! And nobody has their arms around him!"

"Oh ... er, umm ... hullo."

"Hello to you, friend!  We've got you on the Coldplay Platonic Cam.  What's your name, sir?"

"Umm ... Perry Block, Chris." 

"Hi, Perry! You know, actually most people caught on the Platonic Cam are standing two or three feet away from a dispassionate woman friend. But there's no woman within sight of you." 

"You noticed, huh?"

"Perry, did you ever actually have a platonic relationship with a woman?"

"Yes, Chris, once a long time ago, I did."

"Tell me about it, Perry."

"Her name was Allison. She was an attorney, quite beautiful with long blonde hair. She was the Perfect Platonic."

"The Perfect Platonic.  I like that."

"We had so much in common, Chris. We loved the same movies, the same art, the same music."

"Like Coldplay?"

"No, of course not like Coldplay!"

"That wasn't nice, Perry."

"Hey, at least you're not ABBA!''

"Thank God for that!  Tell me more about you and Allison."

"I always listened with great interest to everything she said. I took all her opinions into careful consideration, and I never ever pretended I was listening to her when I wasn't." 

"Sweet."

"I was always considerate of her feelings and was there for her whenever she felt sad or troubled. Sometimes I would listen for hours on end whenever she felt the need to pour her heart out."

"That sounds very special, Perry."

"It was! I always remembered her birthday and other special occasions and bought her thoughtful tasteful gifts on those occasions that she would invariably love."

"It truly sounds like the Perfect Platonic. So what happened?"

"One day she told me that I was so wonderful, so perfect in every respect, in so many ways everything she always dreamed of a man that ...

"Yes?"

"She had fallen passionately in love with me!" 

"I see."

"She said she could think of nothing else but how much she longed to have constant uninhibited no-holds-barred sex with me!"

"OMG! And how did you feel?"

"Exactly the same."

"Oh. So what happened?"

'We broke up.  You can't maintain a Perfect Platonic relationship when you have two people madly in love with each other like that."

"I understand. Did you ever see her again?"

"Of course not. But it was for the best."

"So today you're okay about it?"

"No, Chris, I'm not! I'm afraid I won't be able to have a detached, empty, non-physical relationship with a woman ever again!"

"Let's hope that isn't true, Perry."

"Could you do me a favor, Chris?" 

"Yes,  Perry?"

"Next time, catch me on the Coldplay Kiss Cam."  

"Why's that?"    

"It's just too painful to be Platonic anymore."     

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