Sunday, June 10, 2018

What If You Are Hypnotized to Relive Past Lives & Most of Them Turn Out to Be Boring and Uneventful?

“You are getting sleepy, sleepy, sleepy …”

It was true.

I was feeling pretty sleepy all right.

I was fortunate to have been chosen for an experiment by Dr. Lance Lumpkin, a world-renowned expert in the field of regressing people back to experience past lives through hypnosis. Dr. Lumpkin held aloft a watch which he was swinging back and forth, back and forth, back and forth, and soon I was in a deep sleep. 

“When I snap my fingers,"  Dr. Lumpkin said, "you will regress to your most recent former life.”


“Who are you?”

“I am Herbie Farkman.”

“What year is it, Mr. Farkman?”


“That’s the year in which April 11 is said to have been the most boring day of the 20th Century.”

“Oh. I thought every day was like that."

“What do you do for a living, Mr. Farkman?”

“I make little bundles of pennies at the bank."

Does it pay well?"


“How did you die, Mr. Farkman?”

“I died?”

“Yes, you did.”

“I haven’t noticed anything different.”

“We are now going to regress you back to a life even earlier.”

“What is your name?”

“Otto the Smelly.”

“What year is it?”

“I don’t know. Guys wear armor a lot around here.”

“Ah, the era of knights, fair damsels, and chivalry. Tell me, Otto the Smelly, are you a great king like Alfred the Great or Richard the Lion-Hearted?”

"No, I'm Otto the Smelly.  I shovel dung."

“Surely you must do something else?”

“I produce the dung.”

“Where do you live?”

“In a hovel with 47 other people.  At night I have group sex with toothless, legless, wart-riven hags named Gretel; want to meet some?"

“What caused your death?”

“Extreme old age.”

“How old were you?”


 "We will now regress you further back to experience one more prior life."

‘Who are you?’

“I am Jesus Christ, the One True Son of God, Savior of all Mankind.”

“Wait a minute!  You’re Jesus Christ?”

“Yes, I was born of a virgin in a manger in Bethlehem to bring hope and joy to all the world.”

“How did you die?”

“I was accused of sedition by the Romans and crucified. The Jews are completely blameless, by the way.”

“With all due respect, Jesus, how can you be Jesus Christ and also Otto the Smelly and Herbie Farkman?”

“I have no idea.”

“Is there no way to find out?”

“You would have to speak directly to my Father, God the Almighty, King of the Universe, and Creator of the Heavens and the Earth."

“How is that possible?”

“You must travel a great distance.”


“And hypnotize Sally Mishkin, of Cincinnati Ohio.” 


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