The Steering Wheel Dial.
We’re all familiar with the Pocket
Dial when your cell phone bumps against
the side of your pocket and embarrassingly dials the number of one of your
friends who is annoyed as hell because it’s 3:30 AM!
And who doesn’t like you enough to want to hear from you any time of day!
The Steering Wheel Dial takes embarrassment a step further, occurring when your hands knock against the buttons on your steering wheel linking your Bluetooth phone to the car’s audio. Unlike the relatively innocent
Pocket Dial, a Steering Wheel Dial is all your fault!
“Hello, Perry?"
“Oh, gee Farbman, I didn’t mean to
call you.”
“Oh, it was a Pocket Dial? Well,
they happen, don’t they?”
“Yes, they do. But this one … um …
happened to be a Steering Wheel Dial.”
“Steering Wheel Dial! That
you should be able to avoid.”
“Really?”
“Of course! Just keep your hands high on the steering
wheel is all.”
“My hands do tend to slide a bit."
“Please be careful! I’m trying
to take a nap.”
Fifteen minutes later:
“You again?!!”
“Yeah, uh, Farbman, I had a sharp right
turn around train tracks and …”
“Just keep your hands high on the steering
wheel like I said!”
“I tried, but my hands slide!”
“Don’t let them! Have some self-control!”
“I’ve never been good at that.”
“Look, dude, a Pocket Dial is inadvertent, not your fault. But you should be able to control your hands long
enough so you don’t Steering Wheel Dial me every five minutes!”
“Actually it’s more like every 15
minutes.”
“Keep your hands still. You’re not
milking a cow!”
Wanting no more embarrassment from my Steering Wheel Dial I reviewed Farbman’s counsel over and over in my mind:
"Keep my hands up high. Don’t let them
slide. I'm not milking a
cow.”
Fifteen minutes later:
“Goddamnit, Perry! Again with the fucking Steering
Wheel Dial!!!
“Farbman, I was just in a terrible
accident!”
“Terrible accident, you say?”
“Yeah, they freed me with the jaws
of life! I’m being taken away now in an ambulance!”
“You’re in an ambulance now?”
“There’s no telling how badly I’m
hurt!”
“But your hands, Perry. Tell me about your hands!”
“They’re all bloody and throbbing and I can’t
feel …”
“But they are off the steering
wheel, right?”
“Right.”
“Good. I’ll call you after my nap.”
And so, folks:
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And so, folks:
Keep your hands up high. Don’t let 'em slide. You're not milking a cow.
That is, if you want to avoid ...
~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~
The Sheer Embarrassment of the Steering Wheel Dial!
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