1) In the
beginning a burst of intense energy and an explosion of particle matter created the Sun and the
Earth among billions of other celestial bodies throughout the known universe.
2) And
the Earth was without form and void and the Rotation of the Earth around the
Sun, as personified such that it hypothetically possessed the
capabilities of speech and sight, metaphorically said, “Let there be light”
and there was light.
3) And
the Rotation of the Earth metaphorically saw it was good: and the Rotation
of the Earth divided the light from the darkness. And the Rotation of the Earth
metaphorically called the light Day, and the darkness Night.
4) And the evening and the
morning of countless eons upon eons as condensed into one week for the purpose
of understanding the proportionality of time were the first Suppositional
Day.
5) And the operating principles of
Geology, Hydrology, and Rock and Soil
Erosion, as personified such that
they hypothetically possessed the capabilities of speech and sight, metaphorically said, “Let the waters under the sky be gathered
together unto one place (Editor’s Note: “one place” was originally used
for simplicity's sake; actually ”multiple places”), and let the dry
land appear, and metaphorically called
the dry land Earth and the gathering together of the waters called Seas.
6) And the Operating Principles above metaphorically saw that it was good. And the evening and
the morning were the second Suppositional Day.
7) And
the Process of Evolution (acting in concert with the Principles of Botany,
Zoology, Cetology, Ichthyology, and Ornithology), as personified
such they hypothetically possessed the capabilities of speech, sight, and the
blessing of living things, metaphorically said, “Let the earth and the waters bring
forth grass and the
fruit tree, the moving creatures
that hath life, fowl that fly above the earth, and beasts of the field and metaphorically blessed them, metaphorically saying
“Be fruitful, and multiply, and fill the waters in the seas and multiply on the
earth.”
8) And Process of Evolution above metaphorically saw that it was good. And the evenings and the
mornings were
the third, fourth and fifth Suppositional Days.
9) And on the sixth Suppositional Day, the Process of
Evolution (acting in concert with the Principles of Psychology, Sociology, and
Human Sexuality as researched by Kinsey and Masters and Johnson, as personified such that they hypothetically
possessed the capabilities of creation, speech, sight, and the blessing of
living things, metaphorically created
man and woman in an image patterned after no one in
particular, metaphorically blessed them, and metaphorically said onto
them:“Be fruitful, and multiply, and replenish the Earth!”
10) And on the seventh
Suppositional Day, all the above forces, as personified such that they all hypothetically
possessed the capability to rest, metaphorically got all comfy, shut their eyes, and went to sleep.
11) Which particular concept, even
metaphorically, is nuts!
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And for more expert Biblical commentary, please turn to Page 1 in your Prayer Books and read silently while I read aloud.
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