Friday, November 10, 2017

And Now, Once Again, Sixty is Not the New 40

(But it ain't)

Sixty is the New 40 - I've written about this subject a number of times before, and though I'd love to believe it's true, it ain't.

Here's 30 more quick reasons that Sixty is Not the New 40:

1) Somebody who is 40 thinks the Low Spark of High Heeled Boys is about those little kids' sneakers that light up in the back.

2) Somebody who is 40 never worries about anybody ever referring to them as “40 years young.”
3) Somebody who is 40 has never heard the phrase “That’s two down, eight to go, Mr. Cerf.”
4) Check out the response you get when you sing Hello Muddah, Hello Fadduh” by Allan Sherman to Somebody who is 40.
5) Somebody who is 40 does not remember Crazy Guggenheim. 
6) When Somebody who is 40 runs into an old friend, they never hear the words “Your liver still on the fritz?"

7) “Welcome to our Show for Hunt’s Catsup!” Think Somebody who is 40 has the slightest idea where that phrase comes from, let alone that "ketchup" was ever called “catsup."
8) Somebody who is 40 thinks Winky Dink is another cutesy name for you know
what!
9) Unlike Somebody who is 60, Somebody who is 40 has no idea why the Doors sing "Stronger than Dirtat the end of "Touch Me"


10) Somebody who is 40 has no idea what this means:
Jane Kean!
Sheila MacRae!!
ARRRRT CARNEEEE!!!
GOODNIGHT, EVERYBODY!!!!


But you do.
11) Somebody who is 40 would have no way of knowing that “Kukla, Fran, and Ollie” is not a law firm.
12)Somebody who is 40 may have learned to draw when they were young but they did not learn to draw  with Jon Gnagy.
 13)  When someone mentions the word "turkey" and it isn't Thanksgiving, Somebody who is 40 does not begin rapidly hitting the bottom of his neck with the back of his hand.
14) Somebody who is 40 grew up with the word "hydrated."

15) Unlike Somebody who is 40, Somebody who is 60 never blinked an eye when they heard the lyrics in the theme to Green Acres "You are my wife!" "Goodbye City Life!" as Eddie Albert yanked Eva Gabor to the country life totally against her will. 

16) Somebody who is 40 thinks 
J. Fred Muggs was Chairman of the Securities and Exchange Commission in 1957.
17) Somebody who is 40 has never said "I'm letting my freak flag fly." 
18) You think that Somebody who is 40 who likes you likes you because you're a cool guy, when in actuality Somebody who is 40 who likes you likes you because you remind him of his dad.
20) Who the hell is that young person hosting SNL this week?

21) When Somebody who is 40 is wholly unable to establish rapport with the hot twenty-ish waitress where he's having lunch, it is of course depressing but it isn't the end of the world!
22) Until quite recently Somebody who is 60 thought the word “selfie” referred to what they’ve pretty much been doing all their life.

23) Remember Sandler and Young?  Somebody who is 40 thinks they're a contracting firm.

24)  Somebody who is 40 probably thinks that Jack Paar, with a name like that, must have been even better than Arnold Palmer.

25)  Being that Carol Channing is a woman and Tatum O’Neal is a woman, Somebody who is 60 in all likelihood thinks Channing Tatum is a woman.

26) Somebody who is 40 does not meet people who look like Wilford Brimley and think “Jesus, I hope I don’t look that bad.”

27). Somebody who is 40 would have no way of distinguishing between Jerry Mahoney and Knucklehead Smith.
28). Somebody who is 40 is not at all amused by this list.  Somebody who is 40 is amused by the list “30 Reasons 40 is Not the New 20,” if indeed such a list even exists.

29) "I'd rather fight that switch" - okay, Somebody who is 40, for what product was this the slogan?  Tell 'em, Somebody who is 60!
30). Somebody who is 60 is old enough to be the boyhood idol of Somebody who is 40, even though it goes without saying you are nobody’s boyhood idol!



If you had rollicking  fun with this list, you really have to find a better concept of of "rollicking fun."  But if somehow you did rollick, you will find many more of these "Sixty is Not the New 40-isms" in my upcoming book "Perry Block- Nouveau Old, Formerly  Cute."

Watch for it in early 2018! Watching is good, but buying is even better. You could do both! 

It'll make you feel like you're 40 all over again!*  

*(Void where prohibited and impossible.)

Perry Block - Nouveau Old, Formerly Cute

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