Saturday, August 19, 2023

My Social Media Pledge to You, Annotated


My Social Media Pledge to You:

1) I will never post anything I didn't write.

2) I will never write LOL after anything I write. You determine the LOL, not me. You are the audience.*

3) I will give out LOLs in situations wherein I am the audience and I actually do laugh out loud at the comment. If I ever give anyone an LMFAO for something they have written, I will probably spend the rest of my life wondering why I did not marry them.

4) I will never use the expression "Woot." I think it's pretty much beat now, but you can't be too careful.**

5) I will never make fun of anyone's appearance, except  for certain  right-wing Republicans who really are goofy looking. ***

6) I will never refer to anyone as "the Hubs," even if some day I ever actually have a "Hubs." That's kind of unlikely anyway.**

7) I will never include the words "But I digress" in anything I write because roughly translated it means "I am including some stuff in this piece that I find interesting but doesn't at all belong here and I suck at editing!"  ****

8) I will never use the expressions "Toodles" or "Anywho."**

9) I will never use the "f" word randomly and indiscriminately, but only when it is absolutely appropriate. ***** 

10) I will never charge for the Oxford Comma. 

That's it, folks. Anything else is fair game.



* It's kind of annoying when somebody writes LOL after something they write. Really?  You're laughing at your own joke!  No disrespect, but I won't do that and and neither should you. There, maybe I've helped you?

** No comment necessary.

*** Notice that the really good writers never fall prey to this writing faux pas. An excellent example is the well-known author Charles Dickens who could have begun his famous novel A Tale of Two Cities as follows: 


"It was the best of times, it was the worst of times, it was the age of wisdom, it was the age of foolishness, it was the epoch of belief, it was the epoch of incredulity, it was the season of Light, it was the season of Darkness, it was the spring of hope, and you could not help but hope for anything more delicious than my special Dutch Apple Cobbler, the recipe for which I shall reveal in a later chapter, but I digress, it was the winter of despair."

But he did not.

****Trump, Giuliani.  I reserve the right to add to this list.

***** Got that, mother-fuckers?


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