How does this picture from a 50's television show fit into a post about a medical condition called vitiligo? Read on!
About 20
years ago I acquired a medical problem known as vitiligo.
Vitiligo is
a condition in which some of your skin loses pigment and causes you to look like Casper the Friendly Ghost. Except there's nothing friendly about vitiligo.
I sure didn’t need another medical problem when I got vitiligo. The older I get the more afflictions I seem to acquire; I’m up to double figures now and that’s not even counting the sexual ones.
I sure didn’t need another medical problem when I got vitiligo. The older I get the more afflictions I seem to acquire; I’m up to double figures now and that’s not even counting the sexual ones.
Vitiligo is especially
perplexing because it can rest dormant for a bunch of years and then suddenly
return with a vitiligo vengeance. On its most recent vitiligo visit I literally woke up and found my left arm looking
like it had been dipped in white paint!
I knew this
had to be vitiligo because I’m a Jew and I’m not handy enough to even dream
I’ve been painting.
That day I
went out in short sleeves to pick up some items at the supermarket.
Why not long
sleeves to hide the condition?
It was 90
degrees at eight in the morning. It was
predicted to be 105 degrees by noon. Incineration
of the planet by fire and brimstone was scheduled for 6.
So I went
with the short sleeves in hopes I would not run into anyone I knew.
My hopes, however, were dashed.
“Umm... hi,
Farbman, how I are you, “I stammered as I entered the store.
“Hi, Perry… HOLY
SHIT!”
“Oh, yes, you’re
probably referring to my vitiligo. It’s a minor skin condition wherein a bit of
pigment is absent from my skin.”
“A bit of pigment! You left arm looks like an Oreo cookie dunked in milk.”
“Oh, I don’t
think it’s that bad.”
“Are you
kidding? "You remind me of 101 Dalmatians only without the dalmatians."
"Thanks, Farbman."
"Remember the TV show Father Knows Best in which Robert Young wore arm patches with all his suits. Your arms look like his, only without the suit!” (See picture above.)
"Thanks, Farbman."
"Remember the TV show Father Knows Best in which Robert Young wore arm patches with all his suits. Your arms look like his, only without the suit!” (See picture above.)
When someone's willing to date themselves back to the 50's to make a joke at my expense, I'm clearly not about to be enjoying
the conversation.
I went to
see my skin doctor, Dr. Joy Davis.
“I knew
you’d be back,” smirked Dr. Davis. “They
all come back.”
“But you
said some people don’t get any worse and don’t need to come back.”
“Some
people, sure. But you? A specimen such as yourself who has
afflictions in double figures…"
“Hey, just
barely in the double figures!”
“Aren’t you’re
forgetting something?”
“What?”
“The sexual
ones.”
Dr. Davis
prescribed a cream that can sometimes improve the condition. I skulked home with my short sleeves and the known
world visibly gawking at me and slathered on the cream like I was basting a
turkey.
So we’ll see
what happens. Hopefully I don’t wake up one day, look in the mirror and see the
Joker staring back at me.
As I said, there's nothing friendly about vitiligo.
~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~
Father knows Best - If I haven't ruined my chance to connect with millennial humor before, I sure have now. Even I can't believe I'm old enough to remember a time that a television show could have such a sexist title as this.
No comments:
Post a Comment