Governor Ron DeSantis: The last election was “close to an extinction-level event for Republicans.” November 4, 2026
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November 6, 2026
Church Basement Meeting Room, Somewhere in Northern Virginia
Hello, everyone, this is the Extinction Support Group and I’m the the Facilitator of the group, Rotary Phone.
All: Hello, Rotary Phone!
Rotary Phone1: I’d like to introduce you to a new member of our group, Republican Party.
All: Hello, Republican Party!
Rotary Phone: Hullo, umm, you may all call me GOP.
Rotary Phone: Let me introduce you to the group, GOP.
That’s Slide Rule on the left,
Next to him is Doctors Making House Calls,
Next to him is the Penny,
And on the right and center of the room because he’s kind of a big fella is Tyrannosaurus Rex.
Penny: Wait a minute! I’m the Penny and I’m extinct but I don’t want GOP here! It was his big fat slob of a boss who made me extinct!
RP: Now, now, Penny we’re here to support each other. No politics!
Penny: But I’ll be forgotten.
Slide Rule: Tell me about i!. `
Rotary Phone: But you won’t. You’ll live on whenever anyone mentions “a penny for your thoughts” or “Penny Lane.” Now who else would like to share?
Doctors Making House Calls: I’m Doctors Making House Calls and I’m extinct. All those Shows like The Pitt about brave doctors in hospitals make me sick. What have they got that I don't?
T-Rex: Most of them are better looking.
Rotary Phone: Aside from that, you took care of every kid under 14 with a cold or sore throat in the 50’s, and they remember you.
Slide Rule: I’m Slide Rule and I’m extinct. And nobody remembers me.
Rotary Phone: Not true! You were recently seen onscreen in the movie Hidden Figures.
Slide Rule: That’s true and I got to hang with Octavia Spencer as well. What a card!
GOP: All this is fascinating, guys, but you see, I’m only “close to” extinction. I may make a comeback!
Everyone laughs.
Slide Rule: No disrespect, GOP, but everyone in the group always says that.
T-Rex: I still say that and I’ve been extinct for 66 million years. The closest I’ve come to a revival is Steven Spielberg movies.
GOP: Okay, okay, how about female companionship?
Everyone laughs again.
Slide Rule: There’s no chicks when you’re extinct.
T-Rex: Tell me about it!
GOP: But …but I’m used to harassing interns.
T-Rex: Those days are over, my friend!
GOP: What do you guys do with all your time?
T-Rex: Many of us enjoy quilting.
Doctors Making House Calls: And there’s Mahjong. Slide Rule here has been Extinction League Champ three years in a row!
Penny: And I still can’t get the hang of the damn thing.
GOP: Well, I will certainly cheat at it. It’s my nature.
Rotary Phone: We’ll work with you, GOP. It’s what we’re here for.
Doctors Making House Calls: And after every meeting we hit the Cheesecake Factory.
Rotary Phone: And the newest member always picks up the check!
GOP: Really?
Rotary Phone: Yep. You may want to phone your friend Elon.
GOP: Tell me about it!
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