There's an upcoming movie about the Odyssey directed by Christopher Nolan and starring Matt Damon which seems like a must see.
But I had kind of an Odyssey myself last
week. Please allow me to home in on it and relate my epic journey to you.
I was at my friend Jeff’s meetup in a neighborhood bar when I
saw Penny at the other end of a long bar. She's so
pretty and so smart; I think she was an English Lit major at Cornell
University. You know, in Ithaca New York.
If
only I could make it over to her!
But in my way was Pauly
Phoebus, a loud-mouthed jerk with an eye patch that was probably
affectation.
"Norman," he bellowed, pounding me on the back like he
was doing the Heimlich Maneuver, "how's your comedy going? Hey, tell me a
joke!"
For some reason, the guy thinks my name is Norman, but
whaddya gonna do?
"I'd say I'm aging well," I replied through
extremely clenched teeth, "were it not for one thing. The invention of
cameras."
"Ho, ho, ho ,ha, ha, hah" he
laughed hysterically.
"Norman is killing me!"
I made my escape from Pauly Phoebus and saw Cerise sitting
at the bar surrounded on either side by a couple of guys. She's still quite alluring and
both guys were falling all over themselves to get her attention.
One guy was so nervous he spilled his drink on her dress and
the other guy knocked over a plate of chicken wings and barbecue sauce was
everywhere!
This kind of thing happens a lot.
Men are often turned to pigs under Cerise’s spell!
I journeyed on but bumped into Lottie who always has
the best edibles in the tri-state area, and before I could protest she shoved an edible right down my throat.
It was so potent I was instantly
transported back to the Sixties where my cares were ephemeral, no one ever Bogarted a single joint, and I practically forgot my own name.
OMG!
Lottie’s Eating had almost made me forget about my quest to
reach Penny!
The edible’s effect banished, I was ever more determined to
complete my epic journey to reach Penny from Ithaca. Now she was only about 15
feet away, hardly across the Aegean, so near but yet so far.
But
as I set off again … oh no! … There was Sylvia and Clarissa standing
across from each other and I had to thread my way through.
Sylvia always
waves her arms wildly and crazily as she talks, creating such a swirling vortex
you feel like you could be sucked down under to Hades, and Clarissa is so mercurial
you’re wondering “who or what are you this time, Clarissa?” as if
she has as many heads as Hydra.
It can be a Herculean effort
to pass between Sylvia and Clarissa!
But
I made it. I know many others have not.
And
there at last was Penny. But surrounded
by three ardent suitors.
Maybe
I could slay the suitors with humor, so to speak, and then win her over.
“Excuse
me, Penny, I’m …”
“I
know who you are, Pauley Phoebus said you’re a comic.”
“That’s
right, you see I write a …”
“I’m sorry I’m not in the mood
for silly jokes. We’re having a serious
discussion about Jane Austen.”
“Yeah , but I’ve also read…
“The four of us are off to a poetry reading by the
great J.B. Hogan, you wouldn’t be interested. So long, Norman!
And Penny and her suitors were
off.
They had slain me.
My epic quest had come to an
inglorious end. The Gods had not smiled on me.
They did something more graphic on
me.
~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~
Well, I hope you enjoyed this
little Homeric tale, dear reader.
That is, if you are even out
there.
O Brother, Where Art Thou?
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