A Comedy Sketch for Modern Times. Whether or not it's funny is wholly another matter.
Cast
Matt – middle-aged man reading a book on a
train
Bobby – younger man, early 30s, a passenger on the train
Amber – a bit younger woman, mid 20s, also on the train
Scene – an Amtrak train, headed maybe to Philadelphia
The Time - slightly in the future
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BOBBY
Excuse me. Excuse me, sir.
MATT
Yes?
BOBBY
I don't mean to be pushy or anything like that but don't you have a phone?
MATT
Yes, of course I do.
BOBBY
But you're not reading anything on your phone.
MATT
Oh, I'm reading a book. It's The Great Gatsby by F. Scott Fitzgerald.
BOBBY
I remember. I read that in high school
MATT
The Great Gatsby?
No, a book.
Here, would you like to hold it?
I don't know. Is it safe? Do we need to put in a Password?
Does the Password need to be case sensitive?
MATT
No, no password necessary. you just take one hand like this and the other one like this.
Umm, I can’t quite figure out…
Matt tries to place Bobby’s hands on the book, but Bobby twists the book to the side and gets it upside down. Matt flips it around.
MATT
Hold it like this. Good. Now you flip it around like this.
BOBBY
Wow! Words. Sentences.
MATT
Now just read them.
BOBBY
This is something! But why is there no click bait in the
margins? Like all Steven Seagal movies rated from Awful to God-Awful.
MATT
No clickbait in a book. Now read to the bottom of the
page and then go to the next one.
Okay, but what the … I can’t scroll down.
Bobby tries to scroll down with his
hand, swiping down. Meanwhile
MATT
No, you don’t scroll down. You just flip the page. Like this.
Bobby tries to turn the page but awkwardly grabs a clump of pages instead of one. He finally just gets one and smooths it out.
AMBER
Excuse me, guys. Don’t
either of you have phones?
BOBBY
Of course we do.
AMBER
But you're not reading anything on your phones.
BOBBY
Oh, we're reading a book. It's The Great Gatsby by F. Scott Fitzgerald.
AMBER
I remember. I read that in high school
BOBBY
The Great Gatsby?
AMBER
No, a book.
AMBER
MATT
Sure. Say, Since we've kind of jumped to the end of the book, why don't I read
you the last sentence?
MATT (reading)
“So, we beat on, boats against the current, borne back
ceaselessly into the past.”
MATT
What do you suppose that means?
BOBBY
Well, umm, I think it means if we're sailing in a boat trying to go forward ...
AMBER
.... we have to always fight the current pushing us backward.
MATT Good job, you two!
BOBBY
Here’s
your book. (hands it to Matt)
MATT
Thank you. I hope you two will get your own copies and enjoy reading from now on.
BOBBY
I will!
AMBER
Same!
MATT
Bye, now.
AMBER (to Bobby)
Say, do you want to see if there's a ... you know... bookstore in the station?
BOBBY
Yes, but first ...
Bobby pulls out this phone and punches in a number.
BOBBY
There it is. "All Steven Seagal movies rated from Awful to God-Awful."
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