Thursday, April 21, 2011

It's Always Sunny in Philadelphia .... with Cecily

 Oh, yeah! Barometric pressure's rising again!

When it comes to the latest news, I’m not the sharpest tool in the non-Jewish man’s tool shed.

I think the President’s Energy Plan concerns the number of push-ups Obama plans to do each morning, a birther's a guy sleeping overnight on the Broadway Limited from New York to Chicago in 1937, and Ghaddafi is the latest cartoon duck from the folks at Looney Tunes.

But when it comes to the weather in Philadelphia’s Delaware Valley, from the spritzing we’ll be getting tomorrow about noon to the cumulonimbus clouds overhead Sunday at 3:00, I can cite you chapter and verse.

 But it ain’t the Doppler that grabs my attention. It’s the dame!

Cecily Tynan has been the reigning queen of Philadelphia weather almost since the day she arrived at WPVI Channel 6 in 1995. Easily as knocked out as the hottest Hollywood super babe, Cecily surpasses each and every one of them in her ability to dress you right for the weather tomorrow and up to 5 days thereafter. Along with Tastykake, Cecily Tynan is the very best reason for any male from the age of puberty on up to move to Philadelphia.  

(And frankly since I'll bet CecilyTynan has a "creamy filling" to beat anything the venerable Philly cake and pie baker has to offer, Cecily is the very best reason for any male from the age of puberty on up to move to Philadelphia.)

How to describe to you Philly’s meteorological hot mama?

The picture above does her no justice, at least from points on the human weather map north of the neck. With near flawless features and a dazzling smile, strawberry blondish Ms. Tynan is nothing less than the physical embodiment of that perfect day in late spring where your children are happily frolicking with their friends, you’re playing Frisbee in the park with your dog, and yesterday
 You Won the PA Lottery!

 Nightly, about 11:15, Cecily invades my TV screen.

“Jim, it’s going to be hot,” she pronounces, following the lead-in from venerable Philadelphia Action News anchorperson Jim Gardner.

“Sweltering …. broiling …. steaming hot!”

With Cecily, my temperature and barometric pressure are always rising.

Were I not this age, they’d have company!

Ironically women love Cecily almost as much as we guys do. Possessed of a face and form that synchronizes magically with any old thing she might throw on, producers at Channel 6 have wisely dressed Cecily in a daily variety of designer duds that sends women desperately seeking Cecily right along with their men:

She: Oh, my God! Doesn’t Cecily just look stunning in that smart burgundy blouse accentuated by the paisley Hermes scarf and matching opal jewelry and earrings?!!

He: Yeah. I guess. I just wanna see her naked.

But the unintended benefit of regularly tuning in to Tynan is that it tends to keep you abreast (tee-hee) of the weather.

If it’s going to rain, umbrella in hand I’m singing in the stuff. 

Gonna be cold? My woolliest winter sweater all’s a'washed and a’waitin'.

Ninety Degrees?  Surf City, here I come!  But not without sunglasses, lotion, and the number of the nearest Emergency Room.

Because of Cecily, I take better care of myself. Were the avuncular Philly forecasters of my youth --- Dr. Francis Davis and Wally Kinnan the Weatherman --- yet on the tube, long ago I’ve have died of pneumonia.

But this all begs the $950, 000* Question: Is Cecily meteorologically on the money? Does the Blizzard of the Century ever turn out to be drizzling, partly cloudy, and high in the 50’s? Has her five day forecast ever failed to correctly predict the name of the day after tomorrow?

Frankly, if Cecily Tynan calls for 80 degree temperatures and a balmy breeze and what we get is a plague of locusts, think anybody cares?

It’s always sunny in Philadelphia …. with Cecily.


*or whatever Cecily may be pulling down, and whatever it is, she deserves every penny of it!


Anonymous said...

I do not know this lovely lady but would consider the move across the Atlantic (or Pacific if I took the long and rather underused (in my opinion) route I'm mean what stops pilots taking the scenic route anyway... I digress) just to have her tell me the weather.

Perry Block said...

After your long trip, you wouldn't be disappointed!

And as I said, the picture above does Cecily no justice above the neck...

Thanks for writing, Alex!

doreen said...

She is pretty and you are funny. My brother owns a Tastykake Route however; and his children are starving...

Perry Block said...

Darn shame! Most of us in Philadelphia have loved Tastykake throughout our lives and can't fathom how such a terrific and popular product could have gotten into such trouble.

In Philadelphia, Nearly Everyone Loves Tastykake (and Tynan!), to paraphrase a once familiar Philadelphia saying.

I hope things will be better since the sale of the company.

Thanks for your comment!

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