Carl didn’t just use A.1.—he worshiped it. He poured it on everything. Steak, sure, but also eggs, pizza, mashed potatoes, even cereal once (which, he admitted, was “a mistake, but an educational one”). His pantry was a shrine of bottles, some dating back decades. His license plate read “A1MEUP.”
One Saturday afternoon, while organizing his sacred stash, Carl noticed one bottle was glowing. A soft, bluish hue pulsed from its glassy surface like a beacon. Thinking it was just a side effect of drinking expired soda, he blinked—but it kept glowing.
He cautiously twisted the cap.
A vortex of swirling wind exploded from the bottle, hurling his apron across the kitchen. Out of the vortex stepped a woman in futuristic armor, holding a sizzling steak on a plate. Behind her, a swirling portal revealed a dystopian world—burnt skies, ruined buildings, people grilling tofu on broken car engines.
"I’m Agent Sizzle from the Sauce Division, year 2347," she said, setting the steak down. "We need your help. In our time, flavor has vanished. All condiments have been outlawed. A1 is the last remaining hope. We’ve tracked the original recipe to your bottle."
Carl, who was mid-bite of a microwaved chicken wing drenched in A.1., blinked. "Wait, you're saying I'm the chosen one?"
Agent Sizzle nodded gravely. "Only you can bring flavor back."
Without hesitation (and after grabbing five backup bottles), Carl stepped through the portal.
Six Months Later
The year 2347 was transformed. Thanks to Carl's heroic condiment consulting and generous sharing of his A.1. reserves, people remembered how to taste again. Restaurants re-opened. Grills were restored. Steaks sizzled on every corner.
And Carl?
He was knighted by the Sauce Council and given the honorary title: Sir Umami, Keeper of the Zing.
Back home, a statue of him stood in front of his favorite diner, holding a steak aloft, a bottle of A.1. in the other hand, with a plaque that read:
“To Carl Withers: He brought back the bite.”
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(I had asked AI (Chat GPT) to write a story about A.1. Steak Sauce since Department of Education Secretary Linda McMahon doesn't know the difference between AI and A.1.)
