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Wednesday, June 24, 2015

Trak All The Way (FF)

© Kent Bonham

Trak leaned back in the limo and savored the sweet satisfaction of the moment. He was on his way to the world premiere of his new motion picture, Trak All The Way, his first ever starring effort.  He wondered what that bastard Shrek must be thinking.

Trak and Shrek had gone to drama school together, but while Shrek found fame in a series of Disney pictures, Trak had struggled. Years of undistinguished bit parts had finally led to the second banana role in a series of Mel Gibson movies, but all of them had been stinkeroos, especially Lethal Ogre 3. 

Unfortunately the critics were not kind to Trak All The Way. "Trak carries a movie like other actors would carry a ten ton weight,” mocked Variety.  Next day the phone rang. "It's Shrek,” said Trak's mom. “Says he can’t wait for Lethal Ogre 4."

~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~

I don't know about you, but I've never seen any of the Lethal Ogre movies.  I hear the fading Gibson pretty much sleepwalks through each one of them and Trak delivers lines like Comcast delivers services.  Anyway, this tale of Trak represents my take on the picture prompt above for this week's Friday Fictioneers.

 The other Friday Fictioneers will give you no Shrek (in Yiddish, it means "fright") and keep you on Trak with their takes on the picture prompt if you grab a big club (optional) and click right here.

Shrek may gloat, but Trak All The Way actually wasn't that bad a movie. I just didn't find the love scenes between Trak and Scarlett Johansson all that convincing.

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33 comments:

  1. AnonymousJune 25, 2015 at 12:19 AM

    Good one, Perry. I love Shrek and his positive (or twisted) outlook. I also love your stories. They keep me laughing and smiling (maybe I am Shrek).

    ReplyDelete
    Replies
    1. Perry BlockJune 25, 2015 at 1:00 AM

      If you are Shrek, I have but one think to say. AHHHHHH!!!!! AN OGRE!!!!! HELP ME!!!!
      Otherwise thanks for the nice words.

      Delete
  2. plaridelJune 25, 2015 at 12:52 AM

    trak should accept shrek's compliment only if he means it. :)

    ReplyDelete
    Replies
    1. Perry BlockJune 25, 2015 at 1:01 AM

      He doesn't. He's rubbing it in that Trak is going to have to go back to making shitty movies with Mel Gibson.

      Delete
  3. AnonymousJune 25, 2015 at 1:17 AM

    Dear Perry, Well maybe not the best movies for the Academy to review, but certainly worth watching the first time. Oscar coming here! Nan

    ReplyDelete
    Replies
    1. Perry BlockJune 25, 2015 at 5:09 AM

      Thanks, Nan, but I don't think Trak needs to prepare any acceptance speeches. Doubt he'd be thanking Shrek or Mel Gibson.

      Delete
  4. Sandra CrookJune 25, 2015 at 3:06 AM

    I would take Shrek's comment at face value. Trak can't afford not to, I think. Not with his trak record of film successes. Oh! see what I did. :(

    ReplyDelete
    Replies
    1. Perry BlockJune 25, 2015 at 5:14 AM

      I think you're right, Sandra. It's very unlikely there'll be a Trak All The Way II or even a Trak Part-Way, for those of us keeping Trak. (Nah, I like your line better!)

      Delete
  5. DawnJune 25, 2015 at 9:38 AM

    And I always thought Shrek was a nice ogre. He's kind of a bully to rub Trak's nose in his success.

    ReplyDelete
    Replies
    1. Perry BlockJune 25, 2015 at 10:51 AM

      Yes, Dawn, you're thinking of Shrek as he appears on screen. The real Shrek is rumored to be the meanest ogre in show business and the donkey and even Robert DeNiro have refused to work with him going forward. But he is unquestionably the best song and dance ogre in the business.

      Delete
  6. liz youngJune 25, 2015 at 11:41 AM

    Another one in your inimitable style! I thought Shrek was kinder than that comment makes him appear.

    ReplyDelete
    Replies
    1. Perry BlockJune 25, 2015 at 4:12 PM

      It's an act. He's the most hated ogre in Hollywood. Ask any of his four wives.

      Delete
  7. AnonymousJune 25, 2015 at 12:36 PM

    I didn't know Mel was still making movies--even bad ones. He's not exactly the actor to hitch one's wagon to these days. Someone ought to tell that to TREK. :)

    ReplyDelete
    Replies
    1. Perry BlockJune 25, 2015 at 4:13 PM

      Trak has no choice, especially after Trak All The Way. It's either Mel or Carrot Top.

      Delete
  8. brudbergJune 25, 2015 at 4:05 PM

    I have seen all Lethal Ogre movies.. I have so wondered why they are never nominated for an academy award.

    ReplyDelete
    Replies
    1. Perry BlockJune 25, 2015 at 4:15 PM

      They did win one: An Academy Award for Best Pairing of a Has-Been Racist with an Untalented Ogre. Trak teared up when he accepted the award.

      Delete
  9. AnonymousJune 25, 2015 at 4:16 PM

    AnElephant is somewhat out of his depth here as he has never seen a Shrek movie and has limited knowledge of Mr Gibson's oeuvre.
    But the tale was entertainingly done.

    ReplyDelete
    Replies
    1. Perry BlockJune 25, 2015 at 4:17 PM

      Thank you, Elephant. I wouldn't pack my trunk to go see any one of these movies anyway.

      Delete
  10. Yolanda RenéeJune 25, 2015 at 4:43 PM

    Lovely, funny, and well done. Made me smile! Sounds like Hollywood is up to it's old shenanigans.

    ReplyDelete
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    1. Perry BlockJune 25, 2015 at 4:56 PM

      True, but one must keep in mind the discrimination ogres faced in Hollywood before Shrek. Years ago ogres would be played by white actors like Raymond Burr. At least today American Ogres are always cast whenever the part calls for an Ogre. And I have no idea what I'm talking about.

      Delete
  11. UnknownJune 25, 2015 at 9:11 PM

    A lesson can be learned from this...never trust the personality you witness on a flashy screen.
    What a unique take on the picture.

    ReplyDelete
    Replies
    1. Perry BlockJune 26, 2015 at 8:54 AM

      Thanks, Francesca. We can trust Trak, however, should he ever be lucky enough to make another movie.

      Delete
  12. margireneJune 27, 2015 at 4:20 AM

    I hope he doesn't get discouraged. Everyone has to find their way and some of the most successful ogres started out in truly abominable pictures. He just needs a break.

    ReplyDelete
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    1. Perry BlockJune 27, 2015 at 1:35 PM

      That's very true. Look at the great career John C. Reilly has today and most people don't even know he's an ogre!

      http://www.younghollywood.com/images/stories/john_c_reilly.jpg

      Delete
  13. Whispering ThoughtsJune 27, 2015 at 1:21 PM

    Well done. I liked the end lines

    ReplyDelete
  14. P.S. JoshiJune 29, 2015 at 9:48 AM

    A love scene between Trak and Scarlett? What's happening to her career? That's got to be lower than the bottom of the barrel for a top movie babe. We may see her doing TV commercials for dog food next. Hilarious, Perry. :D --- Suzanne

    ReplyDelete
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    1. Perry BlockJuly 12, 2015 at 5:06 PM

      I think she did it just because Trak had been friendly to her on the way up. Her career is intact. Trak is lucky to get Mel Gibson to return his calls.

      Delete
  15. RussellJune 29, 2015 at 12:42 PM

    Is Trak still living at home? His mom said he'd moved in with you. I can just see the two of you out cruising for chicks, or do they call them Ogrettes? Either way, with his star billing and reputation, surely he can get you a date.

    ReplyDelete
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    1. Perry BlockJuly 12, 2015 at 5:08 PM

      Actually Trak does fairly well because he convinces women he's Shrek. I'm still trying to convince women I'm Nicholas Cage's grandfather.

      Delete
  16. Gah LearnerJune 30, 2015 at 10:05 AM

    Trak will put them all to shame, because he will be the new captain of the up- and coming series Star-Trak: The Ogrification. And then Shrek will beg to have a guest role.

    ReplyDelete
    Replies
    1. Perry BlockJuly 12, 2015 at 5:10 PM

      I love that! Steady as she goes, Mr. Trak. Overacting as I go, Mr. Trak.

      Delete
  17. SubrotoJuly 1, 2015 at 9:33 AM

    I'd like to see Trak and Eddie Smurfy in a movie together. I might even pay instead of downloading off the net.

    ReplyDelete