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Wednesday, October 22, 2014

An Authentic Scots Restaurant

Copyright The Reclining Gentleman
(w/ Nessie courtesy of Douglas McIlroy)

“Well, we gave it our all these six long months."

"I know, Amy. You and I combed every square inch of that lake and still no Nessie!"

"Don't berate yourself, Henry. It wasn't a total failure.  At least we did find the lost city of Atlantis."

"So what?  They were nothing but an impediment with their attempts to contact us about their stupid immortality ray!" 

"You're right, they did get in the way.  Want to take one last look at the lake?"

"What's the point? It'll just bum us out.  Let's go eat."

"Where to?"

"How about an authentic Scot's restaurant?   McDonalds!"


My first instinct when I saw this week's Friday Fictioneers' picture prompt was to have one of the two characters sitting on the bench turn to the other and say "Boy, Amy, Renee Zellweger really looks different this time!" 

But ultimately I opted for the more traditional tale of the search for Nessie, especially since I was able to bring it home for an uber-respectable 102 words. BTW, you can bring home some uber-entertaining stories from the other Friday Fictioneers by clicking right here.

Now if you don't mind, I'm taking me a deep breath and checking out that immortality ray. God, I hope I don't run into Nessie ... or Renee Zellweger!

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36 comments:

  1. janetOctober 22, 2014 at 8:15 PM

    Both ideas seem equally out-of-this-world, Perry. I think I prefer the hunt for Nessie. Maybe Nessie has a new face, too, and that's why she can't be found.

    janet

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    Replies
    1. Perry BlockOctober 22, 2014 at 11:17 PM

      That could be it. Maybe Nessie has Cher's old face! I feel kind of silly that I was working the wrong prompt here; shouldn't there be some kind of fine for Doug for desecrated a proper prompt? I'm going to look into it!

      Delete
  2. margireneOctober 22, 2014 at 9:32 PM

    Are you sure the Atlanteans didn't have an invisibility ray as well? Maybe Nessie belongs to them. A greatly entertaining story.
    Marg

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    Replies
    1. Perry BlockOctober 22, 2014 at 11:19 PM

      I don't know about an invisibility ray; I think the immortality, personal wealth, and sexual irresistableness ray are probably enough. Glad you liked!

      Delete
  3. AnonymousOctober 22, 2014 at 9:34 PM

    Boy, Perry, you really are out there.

    You saw Renee Zellweger? Wow, I could of sworn it looked more like Arnold Swarzenegger.
    Zellweger-Swarzennegger-Hamburger.
    I just going for the scotch.

    Randy.

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    1. AnonymousOctober 22, 2014 at 10:10 PM

      So Doug bailed on you after you wrote this piece.
      You should have realized that he might submerge. Ha. Get it.
      Submarine, submerge.
      Hoo boy, I hope that didn't go too far under your head.

      Delete
    2. Perry BlockOctober 22, 2014 at 10:56 PM

      You're exactly right, Randy. It is a coldiferous dippingsterious pondalactus but its formal name is much longer, of course. Doug didn't bail, he's still got the coldife...oh, what the hell, I call her Nessie, on his blog. I just didn't know nobody else did. Yep, it all did go under my head since I was on a flight at that time. Most stuff goes way over it.

      Delete
  4. DawnOctober 22, 2014 at 9:56 PM

    I thought you wrote comedy?
    McDonald's?
    That's just sad! ;)

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    1. Perry BlockOctober 22, 2014 at 11:20 PM

      Yes, Dawn, the McDonald's part is tragedy. I hoped the rest was funny.

      Delete
  5. Sandra CrookOctober 23, 2014 at 2:53 AM

    I could forgive you anything, but not McDonald's. Into the sin bin with you....

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    Replies
    1. Perry BlockOctober 26, 2014 at 6:52 PM

      C'mon, Sandra, let's have a Big Mac and large fries and talk this thing over ...

      Delete
  6. AnonymousOctober 23, 2014 at 9:41 AM

    Funny what you miss when you're not looking for it!

    ReplyDelete
    Replies
    1. Perry BlockOctober 26, 2014 at 7:43 PM

      It's true. I guess these two were just too set on McDonald's to notice.

      Delete
  7. AnonymousOctober 23, 2014 at 1:19 PM

    As if the McDonalds haven't left enough of a legacy--what with kicking the arses of nearly every other clan and starting most of the wars. Mchaggis, anyone? The loch must be crowded with the Atlanteans AND Nessie. Enjoyed it!

    ReplyDelete
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    1. Perry BlockOctober 26, 2014 at 7:47 PM

      Wow, I didn't know that. Thanks for the history lesson. Yeah, it's busy in that Loch, no wonder Nessie tries to hide out for a little peace and quiet.

      Delete
  8. brudbergOctober 23, 2014 at 4:12 PM

    I wonder if they made burgers out of Nessie.. that could be something for the Scottish McDonalds.

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    1. Perry BlockOctober 26, 2014 at 7:47 PM

      I wouldn't be a bit surprised if they did, and if they taste better than the ones here.

      Delete
  9. AliciaOctober 23, 2014 at 7:16 PM

    stupid immortality ray (Funny!) Another touch of humor from you, Perry. Well done. Love the conversation.

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    1. Perry BlockOctober 26, 2014 at 7:48 PM

      Well, if it gets in the way of finding Nessie, that ray would be annoying. Thanks, Alicia!

      Delete
  10. liz youngOctober 24, 2014 at 12:42 PM

    Your stories are always out of this world, Perry.

    ReplyDelete
  11. AnonymousOctober 24, 2014 at 4:27 PM

    Hey, look at that. I have a starring role! Okay, maybe it's not me. Renee does look different, but no worries, she says she's happy! As for Nessie, I'll help out in the search. I like the Nessie take. I wish I would have thought of it. :)

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    1. Perry BlockOctober 26, 2014 at 7:56 PM

      The only reason I thought of it is that Nessie is actually there in my photo prompt. I copied Doug's, not realizing he had added Nessie to his but the "prompt-in-chief" didn't have it. Meanwhile I'm upset Renee didn't choose my face. What's wrong with me?!

      Delete
  12. AnonymousOctober 25, 2014 at 1:43 AM

    Dear Perry, FUNNY! Poor Nessie - No one believes in her (or him) and yet people are always writing about her (I have it on good authority that it is a HER!). I think Renee does look less goofy now but I think the 'goofy' gave her a great look too - all squinted eyes aside.

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    1. Perry BlockOctober 26, 2014 at 8:07 PM

      I think Renee looked okay either way, although people were always criticizing her looks. Somehow she managed to become a star anyway. I don't think Nessie will ever be found if these two intrepid explorers missed her.

      Delete
  13. AnonymousOctober 25, 2014 at 1:45 AM

    McDonalds ?#%@ ... Boy, you know how to treat a lady. You better stick to writing.

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    1. Perry BlockOctober 26, 2014 at 8:09 PM

      Wait a minute! It wasn't me in this one, Mike, it was some fictitious guy. I would take her to Burger King!

      Delete
  14. P.S. JoshiOctober 25, 2014 at 10:22 AM

    Perry, I hope Nessie doesn't show up when you go to eat at McDonald's. The people of Atlantis probably have a deal worked out where they distract searchers while Nessie swims away. Funny and well-written. :) --- Susan

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    1. Perry BlockOctober 26, 2014 at 8:11 PM

      Thanks, Susan. You're probably right. I wonder if Nessie pays them in Nessiburgers?

      Delete
  15. UnknownOctober 28, 2014 at 12:00 AM

    Enjoyed your story Perry.

    ReplyDelete
  16. Douglas MacIlroyOctober 28, 2014 at 7:26 AM

    Dear Perry,

    I had so much fun reading your story and the comments. Thanks for a good laugh. The editorial department has contacted me and told me under no circumstances to ever modify that picture again. The issue of the fine is still up in the air.

    Aloha,

    Doug

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    1. Rochelle Wisoff-FieldsOctober 28, 2014 at 7:31 AM

      Dear Perry and Douglas,

      The editorial department is considering the fine. But we're laughing too hard to do anything about it. McDonald's? Really? Do you know there are Kosher McDonald's in Israel. Cheese and Burger sold separately.

      Shalom,

      Rochelle

      Delete
    2. Perry BlockOctober 28, 2014 at 5:47 PM

      I hope you don't get a fine because I like the prompt better with Nessie. I don't know how you did it but it worked for me. Thanks, Doug! (I'm not volunteering to go in on the fine.)

      Delete
    3. Perry BlockOctober 28, 2014 at 5:50 PM

      Thanks to Doug's Nessie, I was able to work three jokes into the story --- 1) Looking for Nessie, but finding Atlantis, 2) Not taking one more look when Nessie was plainly visible, and 3) McDonald's. Whether any of the jokes were funny is something else again!

      Delete
  17. UnknownOctober 30, 2014 at 12:02 AM

    I loved this Perry. I laughed out loud. Fantastic!

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