Pages

▼

Thursday, July 11, 2013

The Goat Tester




Ever since he had seen the movie Carrie in 1976, Hector had been terrified to go near a grave.  It didn't matter whether it be the grave of someone long deceased or one recently departed, a person from history or his late Aunt Edna, Hector would always shake with fear.

So when he learned the promised job in the new town was that of headstone polisher, Hector began to quake with terror. "Not to worry," said his new employer, "we will get you a Goat Tester."

"Baa, Baa, Baa" said the Goat Tester on Hector's first day at work.  "Baa, Baa, Baa, Baa,  BAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHH!!!!!!!

Hector scribbled a frenzied note to ask for a new Goat Tester in the morning.

 ~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~

 There's nothing like a good Goat Tester, as my submission for this week's Friday Fictioneers based upon the picture prompt above quite clearly proves. You may want to get yourself a quality Goat Tester as well for your next headstone polishing gig, that is, provided Hector's employer has any to spare.

 When you're ready to approach the entries of the other Fictioneers, all of whom are very much alive and totally above ground, you may stealthily creep up to them, hold your breath,  and click here.

 Have a pleasant week, don't rent Carrie, and I'll see you soon.
at

34 comments:

  1. Sandra CrookJuly 11, 2013 at 3:17 AM

    I can still remember how I jumped at the final ankle-grasping scene. Loved your goat-tester, even if it does need a new battery. :)

    ReplyDelete
    Replies
    1. Perry BlockJuly 11, 2013 at 3:31 AM

      Never been able to keep a Goat Tester long enough to need to change batteries. Thanks, Sandra!

      Delete
  2. Rochelle Wisoff-FieldsJuly 11, 2013 at 4:18 AM

    Dear Perry,

    I've never seen Carrie and it's still nowhere near my bucket list. I'm not sure what a goat tester is but I'm sure I don't want to find out if it's part of the job description of a headstone polisher.

    As usual, you're out there and therein lies your charm.

    Shalom,

    Rochelle

    PS My story this week is as close to a musical comedy as it gets. ;)

    ReplyDelete
  3. Perry BlockJuly 11, 2013 at 4:52 AM

    If you dare, here is the ending to the movie "Carrie" https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=xAXU_7EyXFE

    If you watch you'll see the desirability of a Goat Tester. Now for some musical comedy...

    ReplyDelete
  4. AnonymousJuly 11, 2013 at 6:20 AM

    I had to check the youtube link too.
    Very funny story!

    ReplyDelete
    Replies
    1. Perry BlockJuly 11, 2013 at 9:53 AM

      Thank you. I'm too scared to check the link. Thank goodness for the Goat Tester!

      Delete
  5. janetJuly 11, 2013 at 7:37 AM

    Yes, a goat tester would have been useful in "Carrie." Surely the movie wasn't that long ago??!! I have to say, you give "out there" a whole new meaning. :-)

    janet

    ReplyDelete
    Replies
    1. Perry BlockJuly 11, 2013 at 9:54 AM

      Yes, but I'm not going out there or anywhere without my Goat Tester!

      Delete
  6. AnonymousJuly 11, 2013 at 2:18 PM

    Does it have to be a goat? will a pig do? How about a guppie? One of my sister's dolls? Barbie? I hate Barbie. What about my left over baloney sandwich from yesterday? Can I hang that over a grave?
    What is the pay scale for a goat tester? Do you need testercals for the job?
    These are very important questions that you have raised via your baa-aas-sed tale. Please respond witha SASE to Gh-oats Tails, PO Wood Box,
    Crypton, Jamaica

    ReplyDelete
    Replies
    1. Perry BlockJuly 12, 2013 at 5:33 AM

      Great questions all! I didn't think more goat jokes were possible but you proved me wrong.

      The only question I can answer is the pay scale: it's all the tin cans you can eat, so generally only goats that haven't seen Carrie take the job. Thanks for writing!

      Delete
  7. AnonymousJuly 11, 2013 at 2:31 PM

    Hi Perry, glad you were able to get over that goat-woman fetish, though I've heard they're very horny. I was wondering if your story is from personal experience and, is it true as I've heard, that you majored in animal husbandry? Ron

    ReplyDelete
  8. vb holmesJuly 12, 2013 at 6:42 AM

    Sounds like the Big H saw the goat as a better candidate for dinner than as ghost detector. ("Carrie" still rocks in the fear department.)

    ReplyDelete
    Replies
    1. Perry BlockJuly 12, 2013 at 8:50 AM

      Ooops! Sounds like I didn't make this piece clear enough. No,the Goat Tester went the way of all Amy Irving and proved its worth, which is why Hector will need another. And probably another, and another, and another ...

      Delete
  9. vb holmesJuly 12, 2013 at 10:09 AM

    Oh my, the goat really is Hector's ghost detector, and I thought the final BAAAAAAAAAAAAAAHHHHHHH was just that, its final BAAAAAHHH. Your ending is much better (and much more humane, especially for Hector who, hopefully, ends up with a never-ending supply of goatmothers--perhaps he can teach them to polish as well).

    ReplyDelete
    Replies
    1. Perry BlockJuly 13, 2013 at 2:41 AM

      I'm not sure how humane but thanks. Don't think the Goat Testers are around long enough to learn to do much polishing!

      Delete
  10. AnonymousJuly 12, 2013 at 7:18 PM

    I have fond memories of the night I went to see Carrie. Thanks for the recollection

    ReplyDelete
    Replies
    1. Perry BlockJuly 13, 2013 at 2:42 AM

      If you have fond memories of that night, perhaps you'd make a great Goat Tester yourself!

      Delete
  11. AnonymousJuly 13, 2013 at 3:01 AM

    That was the scariest part in the movie for me too. Now I'll be thinking of hands reaching out of graves for the rest of the day.

    ReplyDelete
    Replies
    1. Perry BlockJuly 13, 2013 at 9:16 AM

      Then I have succeeded! That is always my goal to spoil everyone's day.

      Delete
  12. Douglas MacIlroyJuly 13, 2013 at 3:36 AM

    Dear Perry,

    Sounds as though he's going to need a breeding pair for his job. Restless folks in that cemtary.

    Aloha,

    Doug

    ReplyDelete
    Replies
    1. Perry BlockJuly 13, 2013 at 9:17 AM

      Yeah, can you imagine? That was just the first day!

      Delete
  13. Linda PalundJuly 13, 2013 at 7:28 AM

    Very adorable, Perry. Who ever heard of a tombstone polisher, let alone a goat tester, but you know, I think I could use one to check out the wifi around here...

    ReplyDelete
    Replies
    1. Perry BlockJuly 13, 2013 at 9:18 AM

      Yes, I often feel like I'm being pulled under by computer and phone service around here too! Thanks, Linda.

      Delete
  14. AnonymousJuly 13, 2013 at 10:58 PM

    Gotta love a goat tester!
    Scott
    Mine: http://kindredspirit23.wordpress.com/2013/07/13/friday-fictioneers-71213-a-very-grave-nanny-pg13/

    ReplyDelete
  15. Ann Isik (Poetic Mapping)July 14, 2013 at 2:31 AM

    I was baffled. Couldn't get the connection between polishing tombstones and testing goats. Then I realised it was the goat doing the testing. For ghosts. Goat Busting.

    If there's something strange
    in your neighborhood
    Who ya gonna call?
    GOATBUSTERS!

    Thanks for spoiling my day, erstwhile cute person. :) Ann

    ReplyDelete
    Replies
    1. Perry BlockJuly 14, 2013 at 9:59 AM

      I'm not sure what erstwhile means, but the goat and I will take it as a compliment. At least enough so that we won't slime you!

      Delete
  16. brudbergJuly 14, 2013 at 9:45 AM

    Those goat-testers can be quite menacing. I heard they will be introduced also at other lines of work.

    ReplyDelete
    Replies
    1. Perry BlockJuly 14, 2013 at 9:59 AM

      I have them testing all my tin cans before I eat the contents right now.

      Delete
  17. AnonymousJuly 15, 2013 at 2:08 AM

    haven't seen the film.. there's an remake to be released this 2013, not watching that either. ^^ but i watched the youtube video! i literally jumped, i didn't think it was gonna be that scary cos it was an old movie and all, but damn, next time i visit the family tomb, i'm bringing my goat

    ReplyDelete
  18. AnonymousJuly 16, 2013 at 3:43 PM

    LOL!! I want a goat tester. A goat tester would come in handy too in case someone's husband (no mine but someone's) is trying to poison them.

    ReplyDelete
  19. UnknownJuly 17, 2013 at 1:10 PM

    Too many faulty goat testers around. One day someone's gonna get hurt.

    ReplyDelete