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Wednesday, April 29, 2015

Harborside Hero (FF)




"Perry, do something!" my date Janet shouted as the two of us saw a man slip and fall in the harbor where we were having drinks at a waterside cafe.

"Me?  Why me?"  I gasped. "What about everyone else?"

"Do you see anyone else going in?  Help him, for god sakes!”

"But I'm not that good swimmer! I wore a Mae West Jacket until I was 27.  I always get severe water in the ear.  I'm a sinker, not a floater!” 

“But he's floundering!"

“Umm... do you think the water in the harbor is heated?”

“Never mind!  I’ll do it.”

And Janet dove in. Last thing I saw of her, she and the drowning man were having dinner together.

Maybe I’ll just throw myself in the harbor next.

~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~

I thought it might be time for a tale of heroism and bravery featuring me, and ... ahem ... here it is!  Only thing is, the heroism and bravery belongs 100% to Janet, zero to me. 

Well, at least I'm here today to chronicle her valiant story as my entry in this week's Friday Fictioneers' happenings and events.  Further happenings and events as chronicled by the other Fictioneers are available by clicking here.

Hey, stop splashing me!

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44 comments:

  1. AnonymousApril 29, 2015 at 2:09 PM

    Too bad he didn't jump in...Janet seems to be a good catch! The dialogue was fun.

    ReplyDelete
    Replies
    1. Perry BlockApril 29, 2015 at 2:23 PM

      Hey, I may still jump in! I'm just ... um ... still working up the courage. Maybe another drink first .

      Delete
  2. brudbergApril 29, 2015 at 4:30 PM

    Ha.. yes Perry.. forcing a lady into the harbor water, she bound to find a better catch..

    ReplyDelete
    Replies
    1. Perry BlockApril 29, 2015 at 4:38 PM

      She sure did. And for me, she turned out to be the one that got away.

      Delete
  3. RussellApril 29, 2015 at 4:43 PM

    I suspect Janet had breast augmentation which helped her and the drowning man stay afloat.

    Your hesitation is understandable. Water is wet, and sometimes cold. This can cause parts of the male anatomy to shrink to the size of a peanut shell, which would lead to embarrassing situation later in the evening and disappointment for poor Janet.

    I think you showed a tremendous amount of self-restraint and bravery by NOT jumping in. After all, who wants a girl who looks like she could win a wet t-shirt contest on Girls Gone Wild. Not Perry Block, that's who.

    ReplyDelete
    Replies
    1. Perry BlockApril 29, 2015 at 6:23 PM

      That's exactly why I didn't dive in, Russell! For some reason, Janet didn't understand my great sacrifice on her behalf. But the real joke is on that poor slob she saved. I understand she's dragging him into the water every chance she gets while the two of them are in Hawaii.

      Delete
    2. AnonymousMay 2, 2015 at 12:10 AM

      This exchange is better than the story !!

      Delete
  4. UnknownApril 29, 2015 at 5:52 PM

    That dialogue was very realistic. Good story!

    ReplyDelete
    Replies
    1. Perry BlockApril 29, 2015 at 6:24 PM

      Thanks, Francesca. When it comes to my life, it's all too realistic ...

      Delete
  5. AnonymousApril 29, 2015 at 8:32 PM

    I can't believe you were with a girl!

    Randy

    ReplyDelete
    Replies
    1. Perry BlockApril 29, 2015 at 9:30 PM

      It's fiction.

      Delete
    2. RussellApril 30, 2015 at 1:00 PM

      I've got to hand it to Randy. He knows how to cut to the chase.

      Delete
    3. Perry BlockApril 30, 2015 at 1:37 PM

      It's fiction.

      Delete
    4. AnonymousApril 30, 2015 at 7:38 PM

      You made all that up?
      You just broke my heart (if i could find it).

      Randy

      Delete
    5. Perry BlockApril 30, 2015 at 8:19 PM

      Well, the part about my not saving anyone is true.

      Delete
  6. AliciaApril 29, 2015 at 10:15 PM

    Perhaps a good idea to stay on land. Especially after everything Russell pointed out. Too bad for the "saved" man.

    ReplyDelete
    Replies
    1. Perry BlockApril 29, 2015 at 10:20 PM

      Yeah, it's a shame for him. She drags him to all those wet t-shirt contests she wins too.

      Delete
  7. Sandra CrookApril 30, 2015 at 1:48 AM

    You can over-think a situation, you know. Maybe a bit more spontaneity might do it for him. Nice one.

    ReplyDelete
    Replies
    1. Perry BlockApril 30, 2015 at 12:48 PM

      Yes, I spontaneously sat in my seat. I am always ready at a moment's notice to hesitate.

      Delete
  8. AnonymousApril 30, 2015 at 9:26 AM

    Very realistic, Perry, I can totally hear the 'hero' of this one and Janet's exasperation too.

    ReplyDelete
    Replies
    1. Perry BlockApril 30, 2015 at 12:53 PM

      But can you hear the "hero's" whining as well?

      Delete
  9. P.S. JoshiApril 30, 2015 at 9:42 AM

    I'm beginning to wonder if the other guy saw your girlfriend and jumped in on purpose. He's probably a good swimmer. So see. He'd have been disappointed if you'd saved him. That make you feel better? :D Hilarious, Perry. :) --- Suzanne

    ReplyDelete
    Replies
    1. Perry BlockApril 30, 2015 at 12:53 PM

      Somehow that managed to make me feel even more rotten. But you tried, Suzanne!

      Delete
  10. Gah LearnerApril 30, 2015 at 7:28 PM

    Too funny. The damsel in distress turned upside down, too. Not only funny, but clever. I would stand in awe if I wouldn't have to laugh so much.

    ReplyDelete
    Replies
    1. Perry BlockApril 30, 2015 at 8:18 PM

      Standing in awe and laughing will both work for me!

      Delete
  11. DawnApril 30, 2015 at 8:21 PM

    She was too manly for you anyway Perry.

    ReplyDelete
    Replies
    1. Perry BlockApril 30, 2015 at 8:50 PM

      Yes, probably, but I sure could use her if I'm ever drowning.

      Delete
  12. AnonymousApril 30, 2015 at 11:25 PM

    And to think it could have been you having drinks with the handsome but clumsy fellow she rescued! Cute story, Perry.

    All my best,
    MG

    ReplyDelete
    Replies
    1. Perry BlockApril 30, 2015 at 11:53 PM

      Yeah, I bet he would have bought me a nice dinner too! Thanks, MG.

      Delete
  13. Jan BrownMay 1, 2015 at 12:23 AM

    Dawn is right; I am more manly than you. And so is our other friend, Janet.

    But it definitely is fiction:-))

    ReplyDelete
    Replies
    1. Perry BlockMay 1, 2015 at 4:46 PM

      Oh yeah. I'll arm wrestle ya! Okay, make that two out of three.

      Delete
  14. plaridelMay 1, 2015 at 3:26 PM

    poor chap! now he's left behind drowning in his tears. :)

    ReplyDelete
    Replies
    1. Perry BlockMay 1, 2015 at 4:46 PM

      I like that. And I'll have another beer too.

      Delete
  15. AnonymousMay 1, 2015 at 5:50 PM

    Everyone appreciates a good rescue or to be rescued. I like your long explanation in the middle of a crisis. Very funny!

    ReplyDelete
    Replies
    1. Perry BlockMay 1, 2015 at 6:16 PM

      Glad you can see I was only trying to set out the moral dilemnas and not cowering. So few see the distinction.

      Delete
  16. AnonymousMay 2, 2015 at 12:01 AM

    Yep, this is vintage Perry. Only you would think of a "heated" harbor, ha.

    I just love reading your humor.

    Mike

    ReplyDelete
    Replies
    1. Perry BlockMay 2, 2015 at 3:58 AM

      Thank you, Mike. I'll save you any time ... as long as the harbor is heated!

      Delete
  17. margireneMay 2, 2015 at 11:27 PM

    Perry wasn't there to jump in - he was there to write about it. And he did that like a champion.

    ReplyDelete
    Replies
    1. Perry BlockMay 3, 2015 at 1:28 AM

      Thanks, Margirene. And he was also there to write up the relationship between Janet and the drowning man. And he did that like an idiot.

      Delete
  18. AnonymousMay 3, 2015 at 5:23 PM

    Janet seems like a shady character, best you got rid of her.

    ReplyDelete
    Replies
    1. Perry BlockMay 3, 2015 at 7:22 PM

      Quite true. And she looked so lousy in that wet T-shirt when she emerged from the harbor with that drowning man!

      Delete
  19. AnonymousMay 4, 2015 at 12:07 AM

    Janet might be the hero... but I still think the narrator is better off. Best to manage expectations :)

    ReplyDelete
  20. AnonymousMay 4, 2015 at 12:47 AM

    Dear Perry, So you can't swim. Well, color me surprised. I figured you were a life guard at the local YMCA during the summers. I think you can make your own floaties to help - you know. Think you would look good also with a Yellow Duck around your middle. Cute! Good story and I think the only way the water in the harbor is going to get heated is if everyone empties their bladder in it at the same time. Well . . . it could happen! Nan :)

    ReplyDelete
  21. SubrotoMay 4, 2015 at 3:43 AM

    As a wise guy once said "If you love something, let it jump into a lake. If it swims back, it is yours. If it doesn’t, it never was.” So maybe it wasn't meant to be.

    ReplyDelete