"It's breathtaking!" raved Mrs. Heinz Cavendish, patron of the arts.
"Truly brilliant!" exclaimed her good friend Bryce Chadwick. "No wonder the artist's work is on special display this month here in the Masters' Room."
"And you're not going to believe who painted it," said Mrs. Cavendish. "Perry Block!"
"Perry Block? The third rate humorist? Impossible!"
"I always thought he was just an idiot too," said Mrs. Cavendish, "but several people have told me he painted everything in this room."
"Oh no, Mrs.Cavendish," replied Bryce. "They don't mean the paintings."
"No?''
"They mean the walls, ceilings, and blotchy woodwork!''
~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~
No, I'm not an artist and even "paint by numbers" is too much for me, but I did create one masterpiece this week --- a Friday Fictioneers entry based upon the prompt above which came in at a "by the rules at last" 99 words. Hey, I may cut off my ear in celebration!
To take a self-guided tour of the great works of the many other Fictioneers, buy your ticket here and pick up the little museum tag you've got to wear. Don't lose it because if you leave the premises you won't be allowed back in without it.
And, after all, you don't want to miss the great painting in the Masters' Room!
Now this is funny. A unique spin on the prompt. Good job.
ReplyDeleteThank you! Making fun of myself is my best thing. At that I am a true Michelangelo!
ReplyDeleteYou are not a 3rd rate humorist - 2nd rate at worst. Very clever story and very entertaining. I thought the end was very clever. Thanks for the interesting read! Nan
ReplyDeleteThank you, Nan! I enjoy saying your name fast several times in a row... "nanclairefalkner, nanclairefalkner, nanclairefalkner ..." Now that's second rate humor at its best!
ReplyDeleteThe character of Bryce Chadwick is the most believable character you've ever written. I bet you win some kind of nonexistent award for creating him.
ReplyDeleteDidn't you see I got a Golden Globe the other day? And I don't wanna brag or anything, but Jacqueline Bisset, older than I am, seemed very intrigued at the after-party ...
DeleteGood job, Perry. Love the twist at the end. Isn't flash fiction fun? You should check out Five Sentence Fiction, too. http://lilliemcferrin.com/
ReplyDeleteThanks, Jayne! I will check it out, although I'm always concerned that the only posts I get any kind of response to are the flash fiction ones. But who am I to argue with Vincent Van Gogh?
Deletelol. :-) almost impressed--i thought i just discovered some new hidden talent of yours :-) oh well, you’re still the number one third rate humorist that i know ^^
ReplyDeleteIt's great to be the best at being the worst. When you're stuck for distinctions like I am, you go for what you've got! Thanks, KZ.
DeleteHilarious as usual and self mocking to the max! I laughed all the way through it and have made myself a promise never to hire you to paint any of my wood work!
ReplyDeleteYes, Self Deprecation R Us. So much for moving to Bath and starting that home remodeling company I was so excited about ...
DeleteI should have known it. I vastly overestimated your talent, as well as your ability to apply masking tape in a straight line.
ReplyDeleteMrs. Heinz Cavendish
I suppose that means the "Still Life with Chocolate Sprinkles" we've been discussing is off, Mrs. Cavendish?
DeleteDon't sell yourself short, Perry. I heard they blocked off a section of the floor where you spattered paint and wiped your brushes and now they're touting you as the Jackson Pollock of the twenty-teens. Big bucks await.
ReplyDeleteYes, I know. But first I'm going to disrobe and roll all around in it. No telling what they'll tout me as after that!
DeleteHa!ha!Such acutely funny take on the prompt-loved it Perry:-)
ReplyDeleteThank you. Paint a shed for ya?
DeleteI bow to your masterful wall painting skills... it's not easy,, (or maybe it is)... I guess the white was the color used
ReplyDeleteWhite? I went with lime green. Problem?
DeleteWonderful job Perry! Funny, well written and just the right colors! Seriously, did you enhance the photo?? It is much sharper on your page, and has color. Mine was much darker! Must be your magical touch. ;-) dawn/Tales From the Motherland (who can't sign in... still).
ReplyDeleteThank you, Dawn. It's my team of technical experts who gave the picture almost a 3-D effect. They costs me a bundle every week but nothing's too good for my fan base!
DeleteVery funny.. love your brush strokes.
ReplyDeleteHaven't heard that one in a long time!
DeleteDear Perry,
ReplyDeleteA colorful palette this week. Love what you did with the prompt.
Shalom,
Rochelle
I dunno. I think my modernist style lacks true feeling and abstract sensitivity for the baroque nature of my pointillist approach to color and shading, especially on the woodwork. Thanks anyway!
Deletewow, 99 words. That's got to be a new all-time low for you, Perry. I hope you didn't paint the walls and ceiling that putrid shade of pink we saw last week. Were you still wearing your superhero cape and spandex underwear while painting?
ReplyDeleteBelieve me, this is hardly my all time low. But 99 words is all you're getting and you'll have to live with it until next week ...
DeleteHi Perry,
ReplyDeleteSo, you've been sniffing paint again. That explains a lot. But I feel cheated. Only 99 words? Where's my other word? I can think of a word. Bet you know what it is. Ron
Yep, I do. Let's say it together ... OMG, it's the cops!
DeleteArt is subjective anyway, as is humor. Don’t sell yourself short. Ya made me laugh.
ReplyDeleteThen my life is complete! Who cares about the blotchy woodwork?
DeleteFun story, you are a true artiste. With an e. a nice change of pace from the scary stories this week!
ReplyDeleteThank you. I'd write a scary story but then I'd be up nights!
DeleteSo entertaining, Perry! I'm so amazed how you found the funny in this one.
ReplyDeleteI just focus on my lack of talents in virtually every realm of the human experience, and "POW!" there's the funny. Thank you.
DeleteLove it! What? You forgot to use painter's tape to mask the woodwork?
ReplyDeleteBut I do use it to mask myself!
DeleteKeep your ears, Perry, you may want them some day! I can't paint either, but I can enjoy a true work of art in writing! Thanks for the smile.
ReplyDeleteYou're welcome for the smile. And for the ears!
Delete