If a tree falls in the forest and no
one is there to hear it, does it make
a sound? Scientists recently found out.
First an old
broken-down Nissan Maxima was towed directly below a large oak tree about to
fall in a dark and desolate part of a forest. The theory was that more potential
"noise" would be created if the tree fell on an object as it
would in a populated area rather than simply fell on the forest floor. Even an ersatz "road" was constructed beneath the car.
Super
sensitive audiolaters and noise-matrons were stationed around the tree as
scientists listened hundreds of miles away. Yesterday, August 13, 2013,
the tree finally fell.
The tree
made no noise.
The car
screamed: "WHAT THE F**K!"
~~~~~~~~~~~~
There you have it, folks: mystery solved: You should be scared to death to drive in a Nissan Maxima. No results yet about other cars, but keep watching the Friday Fictioneers for further prompts similar to the one above upon which this 127 word news item is based.
If you want to hear lots more interesting scientific results, strap on your audiolater and check out the other Friday Fictioneers by making a loud audible click right here.
So glad I have a Toyota and ... what's that? What did you say? Who are .... HOLY CRAP!
VERY funny! And the suspense was kept right to the end!
ReplyDeleteImagine how the car felt! Thanks!
DeleteDear Perry,
ReplyDeleteA nice bit of lunacy from you this week. I love the word ersatz.
Aloha,
Doug
That's funny. I've heard the word "ersatz" has a thing for you too!
DeleteDear Perry,
ReplyDeleteWas this bit of scientific mishegass federally funded? You started my day with a chuckle.
Shalom,
Rochelle
Yes, and at the expense of social programs too but at least no "job creators" were required to pay for it. Thanks,Rochelle!
DeleteNobody told the car about the experiment, it seems. Great story, as always.
ReplyDeleteNobody thought the car mattered. Least of all those who own Nissans.
DeleteI have a huge grin on my face right now! Perfect!
ReplyDeleteIf I have pleased you, Ms. Z, I have done my job indeed. Of course, I wouldn't mind about 10 million more people kind of liking it too!
DeleteBeautifully paced, rivetingly funny. (or is that rivettingly... :() Whatever, your timing was superb. Well done.
ReplyDeleteIt is actually "rivveting," as spelled in America. Thanks, Sandra!
DeleteOne 't' in 'rivetingly' because the emphasis is on the first syllable: RIVetingly. 'Moquettingly' has two 't's because the emphasis is NOT on the first syllable. I often tell people my house is 'moquettingly carpeted' to impress. This is UK English. I don't know what Americans put on their floors.
DeleteSorry, digressing! Thank you for the chuckles, once again. I always read your stories because they make me laugh. I had to look up 'ersatz'. And while you might not hear a tree fall if you aren't there in the forest, you will feel it fall on the other side of the globe because of the Butterfly Effect.
Aahhaha! I so wanted to look down at the bold punchline but I exercised discipline and was richly rewarded. Super Duper Entry Perry!! :D
ReplyDeleteI'm glad one of us is disciplined! Thanks for the super duper comment, Linda!
DeleteWe are along similar'ish lines this week i.e. humanising the main characters. Nice job.
ReplyDeleteWell, great minds think ...
DeleteAnd so do ours apparently! Thanks, Paul.
hahaha can't blame the car, i would've said the same thing. ^^ thanks, i actually laughed out loud
ReplyDeleteEspecially since he was dragged into it. I wonder if Nissan has any kind of legal action against the tree? Thanks, KZ!
DeleteThank you, Perry -- when I saw the photo this week, I feared that I would read the same story over and over again (maybe I'm just projecting my own lack of vision on everyone -- I can be a bitch that way) so your story just surprised and delighted me.
ReplyDeleteI have never found you to be a bitch, Helena. But I am looking forward to it one day! Thanks for your nice comment.
Deletevery amusing :)
ReplyDeleteThank you, Carrie. The Nissan thanks you too.
DeleteVery funny (said the audiolater to the noise-matron).
ReplyDeleteIt's a good thing my car can't curse out loud, or it would be uttering some pretty bad language at its driver on occasion!
How do you know it doesn't? You got an audiolater or a noise-matron?
DeleteI enjoyed the pseudo-scientific report!
ReplyDeletePseudo-scientific?!!
DeleteHi Perry,
ReplyDeleteI have to question the validity of this experiment, because technically people were listening even if they were hundreds of miles away. You need to redo the experiment with nobody listening. I'm sure the government would fund the research. But the comment by the car is right on. My car says that to me all the time. By the way, I'm overnighting you a kudzu plant. It should be able to take over your area by next Tuesday. Ron
Really looking forward to the kudzu plant getting here and taking over the area because I'm hoping it will join Malveo, the Social Network for Arch Villains. As for the experiment, the scientists were not listening, the audiolaters were, and that is wholly different! Thanks, Ron ...
DeletePerry,
ReplyDeleteI didn't know you were a fan of kudzu? It will completely encase the ivory walled towers of Havertown University by this time next week.
Ron's right about the listening. Perhaps they could just turn on a tape recorder and come back in a month or two.
Why is it everyone knows about kudzu and I don't? And Havertown University is weed walled not ivory walled (wait a minute, ivory? Ivory???) so let's get this all straight!
DeleteNice, I got a good laugh out of this. The comment by the car was on the money. Thanks
ReplyDeleteThe car is no fool, unlike the tree. And very unlike the author.
DeleteObviously, that genteel, gracious Japanese import has been Americanized--howsomever, the tree shows some class. Fun story, Perry.
ReplyDeleteWhen did there get to be Japanese import in the story? Clearly the comments have hijacked my post!
DeleteI knew it! I knew cars could talk!
ReplyDeleteScott
Mine: http://kindredspirit23.wordpress.com/2013/08/15/friday-fictioneers-ff-8162013-karma-pg13/
OMG, mine has been telling me to sell it to a halfway decent owner for years!
ReplyDeleteOnce again you made me laugh out load. I liked the part where they actually constructed the road - I assume to fit the photo prompt, but it still made my laugh. Good job.
ReplyDeleteThe real reason they constructed the road was because it was a pork-laden project the Senator from the state where the forest was located was able to nail down. Also to fit the prompt. Thanks, Linda!
DeleteOh poor car.. you can say it was set up to for this.
ReplyDeleteYeah, the car don't get no respect! Thank you, sir!
DeleteMy brother had a car that talked to him, "The key is in the ignition." It was only a matter of time until foreign cars learned the rest of our language. Nice take on the prompt.
ReplyDeleteYou're right. Soon we'll have cars that say "merde!"
DeleteAll I can say is I Loved This
ReplyDeleteI am still laughing, well done
Dee
Thank you, Dee! If you have laughter persisting for more than four hours, see your doctor.
DeleteVery silly indeed my dear Perry. I liked it. Why do you censor the word, fuck? It is a great word. Say it loud and proud. FUCK!
ReplyDeleteAlso, I hate when you say you're old. You're not old my dear man.
Love, Renee
Renee, I tend to censor the word in pieces that attract more readers, like the Friday Fictioneers, where some readers might be offended. In my other pieces that no one reads, I'm more apt to use it.(See "Malveo, the Social Network for Arch Villains" below.) But just for you, here goes: "FUCKITY FUCK, FUCKITY FUCK FUCK FUCK!"
DeleteAs for aging angst, it's true it is part of my personality, but some of it is shtick for the blog as well. so don't worry. Just fuck it!
Perry, yours is the first story which shined a light on the car's POV, and so scientific about it, too. Nicely done!
ReplyDeleteAlways trying to shine a light on scientific fact as long as somebody else pays for the batteries. Thanks!
DeleteYou were going to just get an eye roll out of me until the car screamed. That was a LOL moment.
ReplyDeleteThe eye roll may have been more appropriate. Thanks!
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