Aaron Sorkin Writes a Character Who's Dumb

"Oh, no!  That's our newest cast member?!!"  

Mac:  So, Will:  Are you In or are you Out?

Will:  Excuse me, Mac? 

Mac:  Are you In on our prodigious efforts to make News Night a broadcast whose manifest integrity shines a beacon of truth and rationality unto the body politic of what can yet be a great nation, or are you Out,  intent on spending the rest of your life reporting  on the circumference of Mario Lopez's dimples?

Will:  Frankly,  Mac,  I believe in ultimatums about as much as I believe that Aaron Sorkin could ever craft a character into one of his teleplays or award-winning  motion pictures who doesn't speak like an Oxford don on amphetamines!

Mac:  Since you mention that, my benighted knight in tarnished armor, I'm about to apprise the anchorman himself of the salient fact that a new cast member is joining The Newsroom this very week.

Will:  So what of that? 

Mac:  He's dumb.

Will:  He's .... he's ........ what?

Mac:   Dumb.  As dumb as the love child of Rick Perry and someone who tunes into ABC News thinking David Muir's latest haircut constitutes breaking news.  

Will:  Who is this character?  What assemblage of letters when placed in the proper order and spoken aloud connotes his name?  

Maggie:  (joining the two of them)  Will, Mac .... I'd like you to meet Perry Block!  He's just been written into the show as a commentator on News Night for the Baby Boomer perspective on the news.

Perry:  Howdy, dudes! Peachy to be here.  

Mac:  Peachy, I'm not so sure.  Actually, I think we may have just hit the pits. 

Will:  How do you find our newsroom, Mr. Block? 

Perry:  You ... you .... just walk through those two doors, I  think.  Ummmm ... you know there's lots of hot babes in here! 

Mac:  Maggie, do you realize this is the first character that Aaron's created since he started writing in the third grade who's used the expression "ummm." 

Maggie:  (becoming flustered) I'm so sorry! I didn't know, I couldn't stop it!  Charlie Skinner hired him so there'd be a character in the show almost as old as he is!

Perry:  Old?  Well then,  call me "Methuselah." Just don't call me late for dinner!" 

Maggie:  Oh, my God!  He's an idiot as well as annoying! 

Will:  Don't worry, Maggie.  Seek solace in your boyfriend Don's strong but emotionally empty embrace only to find your deepest needs rebuffed like the applicant to Harvard whose SATs  were under 2400. 

Mac:   .... and ultimately find love and support within the nurturing heart of our producer Jim,  with whom you'll soon become entwined as intimately as a bee becomes entwined with pollen.

Perry:  You mean that Maggie and Jim are going to get it on?  Being that this is HBO, I can't wait to watch those two hit the sack!

Mac:  It's incredible what a dipshit he is.  I can't believe Aaron is going to collect full pay for writing this episode.

Perry:  Hey, Will!  What's the latest on Mario Lopez?  Are those dimples real or what?

Will:  Mac, I'm ready to give you my answer. 

Mac:  Your answer? 

Will:  To your ultimatum.  My answer is that I'm In!

Mac:  You're In?  Now you're In!  Why? 

Will:  Because now we know than that Aaron can write dumb! There's nothing the guy can't do.  I smell Emmys for all of us!

Maggie:  You're right, Will!  I'm In too.

Mac:  And so am I!  I'll bet even this douchebag wins an Emmy!

Perry:  Thank you very much.  Now where can I get me some cheap eats around here?  Say, do you guys know David Muir?  Great haircut!

~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~